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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Best_Development_299 on 2023-08-23 12:07:54.

I (24f) have been with my boyfriend (23m) for over a year now and I lost my virginity to him. He had sex with other girls before. I want to stress that he is a great and respectful guy and he ALWAYS asks me if it hurts during sex and if we should stop. He is very sensitive and attentive towards me.

But what I described in the title happened when he took my virginity a year ago. It still fucks me up to this day.

I was really nervous, even though we did like an hour of foreplay. I was turned on enough but it just wouldn’t go in for some reason. After some time of trying we managed to get it in and it was really uncomfortable but I told him to keep going. I just wanted to get my first time over with and was ok with the discomfort at first and told him that the pain was at an okay level for me.

After like 20 seconds it slowly got REALLY PAINFUL to an extreme degree and I didn’t know what to do. I think I had tears in my eyes, but he didn’t see since his face was in the pillow. I remember telling him

“ow this really hurts!”

he stopped for a second and said

“…wait.”

Then he kept going for 10 seconds until he finished. :( The whole time I was staring at the ceiling thinking “am I being violated right now? Is this what it is like? Is this it?” It was such a surreal experience and I think I still have issues from that.

After that the bed had a big blood stain on it and I was bleeding for 3 DAYS AFTER! This is no joke!

I think this whole year I have been sweeping this experince under the rug. I haven’t really thought about how fucked up this was until yesterday, when something that I read triggered these memories. I don’t know what to do.

Like I said now when we have sex he sometimes will stop mutliple times just to ask if I’m okay. He will stop completely at any time without complaining. He will do foreplay for hours just to make sure that I’m completely warmed up. He does everything for me. This is why I am so conflicted on this matter, since he is a completely different person to that experience. I just don’t know where to put my emotions. I mean you can call it a one time mistake, but this is just to crazy to brush it off. Ugh I don’t know.