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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/NoGlutenGal on 2023-08-23 07:01:32.
I (27 F) and my fiancé (29 M) are both in his best friend’s wedding. He was asked to be a best man last year and I was asked to be a bridesmaid on the same day. He has been friends with the groom (A) since they were in elementary school and I met him and his fiancée (L) when we started dating.
I became friends with them and we see them every few months due to them living about an hour and a half away. Last year, they got engaged and less than a month after, they asked both of us to be in the wedding party and we said yes. Their wedding is next year and they’ve had the wedding venue and vendors booked since last year.
Here’s where things get interesting. I am 1 of 4 bridesmaids, who all live an hour and a half away from L. We aren’t friends with each other but obviously have come together and celebrated L when she’s made plans to want to get together, see the venue, go dress shopping, etc. She also said that we can wear whatever dress we want as long as it’s within her color pallet but she expected us to show her our dresses first. So I send her 5 options I was looking at and she tells me to buy all of them so she can see them on me. Okay, no problem. I can return Amazon dresses and dresses in store but it’s a little annoying. I send pictures of them on and she vetoed all of them and sends me dresses she likes that are out of my price range and also a style that I don’t like. I send her another dress that’s non-refundable since it’s final sale and she says it’s super cute and she likes it but wants me to try it on before she says yes. So over a year before the actual wedding, I buy the dress and send her a picture and she loves it. Thank god.
Fast forward to about a week ago, I receive a phone call from my fiancé telling me that A told him to tell me I was out of the wedding because L is getting rid of all of her bridesmaids. About 6 hours after I get the same text the rest of the bridesmaids got that basically says: I’ve decided to go with different people that live closer to me because it’s too hard to get everyone together. I wish I would’ve put more thought into picking out my bridesmaids, I didn’t realize I’d care this much about my wedding.
My response was basically: this comes as a complete shock, I’ve been there for you for everything and I’ve texted you about the wedding and I’m even doing her hair, makeup, and staying sober during the wedding to take care of all the little things while she enjoys her night. What did I do wrong?
She responds by saying I didn’t do anything wrong but I haven’t been doing enough.
So, my dilemma is: do I still wear the bridesmaid dress because I can’t return it and I spent the money on it or do I buy a new dress to show respect and not wear the color that all the new bridesmaids are wearing? My friends are split on if I’d be the asshole.