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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Alliken on 2023-08-23 05:59:26.
“Couples are meant to do things together” felt like my ex’s catchphrase. It checked out in the surface but in practice always felt unfair and controlling.
If he wanted to do something or go somewhere I was meant to come along whether I was interested or not. This alone wasn’t a huge deal to me, happy to just spend time with him and it’s not like I found any of his interests objectionable, just boring sometimes.
But if I wanted to go somewhere, hell even if I wanted to watch a movie then “yeah we should do that together sometime”. Which turned into “yeah I’m not in the mood for it right now” or “yeah we’ll definitely do that together one day” every time I asked.
It was really obvious that if he wasn’t interested in something, he was not going to endure through it for my sake unless I begged and worked to wear him down. But if I decided to skip that and just do what I want on my own he got upset at me.
“Couples are meant to do things together”
How could I be so insensitive as to play a game I’d wanted to try for years or watch a Netflix show from a genre he hates or go clothes shopping without him. We’re meant to be a couple. We’re meant to do things together. Do I not understand how relationships work?
I gave up so many interests and hobbies because he effectively blocked me off from them and now he’s gone, and I’m meant to be free… And I can’t remember what I wanted to do all those years ago. Or the things I do remember feel so tainted from memories of setting him off that touching them again feels terrifying.
I don’t know how to find myself. How to rekindle those long lost loves.
I can be me again but… Who the hell am I?