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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/mb21212 on 2023-08-22 14:58:29.
Basically the title. Apologies in advance for formatting as I am typing on a cellphone. I’m also going to post on r/weddingplanning for cross reference and other POVs.
I have been in many weddings (total is 29 and I will be 27 at the time of topic wedding) as a bridesmaid where one of my duties was to keep up with/assist the bride in keeping a count for guests’ food allergies or if a couple were attending but didn’t want a plate for their safety food allergy wise.
Now, I am anaphylactic allergic to dairy which the bride, my cousin, knows about it and knows that I had a reaction from cross contamination 2 months ago and a few more over the last 5 years (just thought I was lactose intolerant until 2018). I am not a bridesmaid for my cousin (don’t care as she was one of my biggest bullies growing up - I am attending as a controlled environment for my SO to meet my mom and dad since my dad doesn’t respect my NC with mom). I thought that since it will be pizza served and store bought fruit and veggie plates with ranch and yogurt and the couples’ wedding website clarified that it will be one topping pizzas with cheese, allergies will not be considered in the food count (wasn’t even an option on the RSVP to state an allergy), and guests with children will be allowed to go up to the buffet setup first that it would be okay for me to give my cousin a heads up that my SO and I will be attending but not eating for her food head count (SO doesn’t have an allergy but is insisting he will look like an AH if he ate and I couldn’t). I thought this was okay because it has been done at other weddings and maybe she would be happy about the money saving part like the other brides (some of which we are related to).
I was very wrong and my cousin called me to scream at me. She asked “What is so wrong with pizza that you don’t want to eat?” Since we were at a wedding just last year with same caterer so I know that even without cheese there will be dairy, I said “We just think it will be safer for me if we were to not eat at the wedding but we are looking forward to celebrating their big day with them. The following 7 minutes of her going on about how good the pizza is and that I am wrong for hating on their food choices ended with “You didn’t get fat without eating pizza!”
I was just taken aback and just ended the call with “Sounds like you are having a rough day. Sorry for adding to it” and promptly hung up. Now I am wondering a week later if I was the AH for even telling her that the two of us won’t be eating? For my wedding in 2025, I don’t care as long as you are there.
Edit to add: I texted my cousin “Hey. Just want to give you a heads up for the head count on food that [SO] and I are attending but not eating. Looking forward to the big day.” She called me roughly 2 hours later.