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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/dahlianoir131 on 2023-08-22 06:50:38.
Back in May my stay at home husband told me out of no where he was taking a job overseas to aid the war in Ukraine. I lost my job as an RN because I couldn’t find any child care for 13+ hours at a time. Long story short it’s been extremely difficult. I haven’t been able to find a clinic type or other less than 12 hr shift job. Because we’re still married I’ve been denied any state assistance. I was denied unemployment. I finally got a mortgage forbearance.
Turns out it was not a job at all he left for, it was volunteering. He sent no money while away and in fact cried and screamed to me I was abandoning him if I didn’t send him money. He called me crying saying he was depressed and he wanted to just die at war and he wasn’t coming back. I (maybe stupidly) convinced him to come back and I used the last of my credit card to buy his ticket. He got back last Wednesday and he’s like an entirely different person. He immediately said he’s going back in January, just abandoning us again despite being on the verge of bankruptcy and foreclosure.
He won’t shut up about Ukrainian everything and even said he wants us all to move there. He’s acting like these random people he met there have been his friends for life and ignores all of us to talk to them. He wants me to pay for an EMT course for him for when he goes back over there.
He keeps having random anger outbursts screaming at me, our kids, throwing things. He wakes up every night at like 1 am demanding sex and then getting angry and screaming when I say I’m tired or he perceives im not into it. Last night he kept me up for hours screaming at me because I denied him. He barricaded me in the bathroom and took my phone and threatened to run it under water so I couldn’t call or record.
We’re both veterans and I called the VA crisis line multiple times. They’re connecting me to a social worker (in 24 hrs) but said only calling the police can have him committed.
Today he was blatantly talking to a Ukrainian woman in my office and introduced them to my daughter. Then said she was his “teacher.” I told him to leave and he needed to check himself into the VA mental health clinic. He left for a while but then came back and shut himself in my office with a loaded shotgun. So I called the police. He heard me calling so then he called them himself as he locked up his shotgun and pretended like I was the problem. Long story short the cop laughed in my face and told me I could leave if I wanted to but I couldn’t make my husband leave and he refused to call the mental health crisis team. He was cool as a cucumber and almost cavalier to the cop as they talked about “oh you know how women are.” Now im looking at going to a shelter in the morning (it’s full tonight). Idk what else to say. AITA?