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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Far_Injury4287 on 2023-08-22 01:48:45.
I’m 19 and my dad is 56. his biggest fear is ending up in a nursing home. he’s also had an issue controlling his bowels for over a year now and i suspect it’s because he will regularly refuse to eat and will drink beer all day until dinner. ive brought this up to him and he said it’s “fasting” and that it’s good for him. i told him it’s not fasting, it’s just drinking on an empty stomach, and he got upset and just said his bowel problem is old age, but i don’t think he’s quite old enough for that to be the issue.
there’s stains in the carpet all over the house from times he hasn’t made it. it’s disgusting and i can’t afford new carpet and neither can he. i just ran the carpet cleaner over it after getting up all the big stuff and that’s the best i can do for now.
today i was in the kitchen cooking dinner and he was sitting at the table. he stood up and said “i have to go shit. actually, i’m shitting right now”. i thought he was joking at first until i started hearing it hit the floor. he stripped down, dripped it all over the floor, and smeared it around with paper towels in an attempt to clean it up. i was pissed at this point because he knows he has this problem and refuses to wear diapers and now i’m playing hop scotch trying not to burn anything.
i ended up having to shut the stove off and clean it up myself and at this point i had no appetite left so i just made a plate for him and my brother and started getting ready to put it away. whenever he got down from the shower, i told him he needs to work with me on this to get it figured out because i’m not going to keep dealing with this and i’ll pay someone else to if i have to. i told him he needs to at least wear diapers or he’s ending up in the nursing home.
i know this was harsh, but i have just been so fed up with it. he tried to blame me by saying i made him come in the kitchen for dinner and it took him farther away from the bathroom. i never made him sit there, and he didn’t even make it out of the kitchen so i know he wouldn’t have made it from anywhere else in the house either. he was really embarrassed and started crying though and said he’s not happy about it either and when i came to apologize later for making him so upset, he just kept saying “whatever” and saying he didn’t want to hear it.
i know im not wrong for expecting him to at least try to work with me, but was i the asshole for threatening him with the nursing home over it?
coming back to add that me and my sister talked on the phone for a bit and she is willing to let my little brother move in and he seems to be on board. i would rather stay to try to help take care of him the best i can, but i thought it would be comforting for you guys to know that my little brother won’t have to deal with the situation anymore. i’ve also talked to my dad a little and he got a little freaked out when i mentioned possible issues with his liver and even maybe colon cancer and he’s going to try to see someone soon. he’s still hung up on the incontinence aids, but a step is being made. thank you everyone so far for your advice.