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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/salem-sunset on 2023-08-21 17:26:19.

So basically, my (22F) sex life was completely dead in my last relationship due to a very short case of BV. My ex-boyfriend and I had been together for around 2 months when he got what was probably a UTI that only got worse because he wouldn’t treat it properly. He had classic male UTI symptoms, and he’d already had a UTI at one point prior to our relationship, so it wouldn’t be completely out of left field for another to develop. He eventually went to a urologist, but didn’t take the medicine they prescribed him as directed

He started to become suspicious that I had given him some type of STD/STI even though I knew I didn’t have anything, because I had just been tested by my OBGYN prior to any contact between us. I reassured him that I did not have any type of STD/STI, but told him that I would go get re-tested and show him my results immediately to dispel any anxiety about it. True to my word, I went and got tested. I tested negative for every STD and STI, but the doctor did tell me I had a slight case of BV and gave me some meds to clear that up. I told him about the negative results, but mentioned that I had BV, and he went nuclear

For context, due to his response in this situation and in many unrelated situations, I strongly believe my ex has undiagnosed contamination OCD. He began to see me as extremely unclean after I told him about the BV. I tried explaining to him that BV isn’t really a disease, it’s more like an imbalance of natural vaginal bacteria that can be fixed. I also explained to him that BV isn’t something that can develop in cis men, because they literally do not have a vagina where vaginal bacteria can become imbalanced

He started treating me as if I had some sort of highly transmittable STD, like he couldn’t even touch me or sleep next to me without extreme precaution. He completely believed that either the BV “bacteria” had gotten into his urinary tract and caused his urinary issues, or that my IUD string had “pinpricked” the tip of his penis and the BV “bacteria” got in and caused problems. I know damn well neither of those scenarios caused his urinary issues, but I couldn’t convince him otherwise

We never had sex again after my BV diagnosis, even though we were together for nearly 2 years after. He told me he couldn’t sleep in his own bed naked anymore, even when I wasn’t there, because there were times I had slept there without my pants on. He said that it affected the way he sees me, and that he no longer felt sexual attraction towards me because he worried about how unclean I was. I’ve always been a very clean person, I shower every single day, and I have an extensive self-care routine. I swear the only thing “unclean” was my BV that cleared up as soon as I started on the meds. I’m also a survivor of sexual assault and CSA, so I cannot even describe the impact that being seen as “unclean” had on my already traumatized brain

We broke up a few months ago, and I’ve found a new partner who I’ve been having an incredible time with. But this morning I woke up with a slight itch that reminds me of either a yeast infection or BV. It doesn’t feel like anything severe at all and I’m probably just going to pop in a boric acid supplement later. But as a result of the treatment I faced from my ex, I’m terrified to admit to my new partner that I feel any type of vaginal issue popping up. I never want to be seen as unclean again. I want to tell him just in case I do use boric acid later and we need to avoid sex for the night, but I’ve been worried sick to my stomach all morning about having to tell him. Any advice would be deeply appreciated