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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Ok-Appearance2245 on 2023-08-13 05:22:48.

My parents were divorced when I was three. When I was eight, I got my mother to sign custody of me over to my father. The why/how is relevant, but I’m trying to keep this short.

Anyway, I lived with my Dad until I was 27 (when I got married). He gave me free room and board all those years too.

Fast forward about ten years. I’m now 37, my wife and I were looking at buying a house. We found a large property big enough for a main house and two in-law house types. We didn’t have enough money to build the in-law houses, so we approached both my parents. We told them that if they gave us some money, we would build each an in-law house. So, for example, from left to right, Mom’s House, My house, and Dad’s house.

When we approached my Mom about it, she blew us off as money hungry trying to get her money.

My Dad, on the other hand, jumped at the idea. So he sold his house and gave us everything he got for it when he sold it. Since my Mom wouldn’t be living near us, we changed the plans slightly and built one big house with a separate entrance for my Dad. So he got his own kitchen, living room, bedroom, etc. It’s a whole house in our basement, but a separate driveway, garage for his car, etc.

When we built it, we also made it for our kids, but our son passed away. So we have three decent-sized bedrooms that don’t get used. We originally planned for three kids, but sadly, that didn’t work out how we wanted it to happen.

After we built the house, my Mom retired, and we threw her a retirement party at our home. During the party, we sat outside talking, and the conversation about money came up for retirement. My mom told her sister how she wanted to spend her money in retirement. One thing she wanted to do was to sell her house and use the money to travel, etc. Her sister said she wanted to save money to leave her kids as a legacy. My Mom said snarkily, “A legacy? Why would I leave a legacy to my kids?” During this conversation, I told my Mom it was not about leaving me money, but she needed to save some so that if she got into her 80s and needed help, money was left to care for her. When I said that, she said, “I can take care of myself.”

My Mom is now 83. Her husband has dementia, and she cannot care for him anymore. She has no money, and with recent rent increases, she can’t afford to make rent anymore (she used to own a home but sold it to travel). She called me asking if they could move in with me and my wife to help care for her husband and her. I still remember the legacy comment from 13 years ago during her retirement party. While on the phone, I flat out told her, “Told you so,” and said, “You said you can take care of yourself, do it,” and hung up on her.

My brother called and told me I was an asshole for not letting her move in with me. So I told him that maybe she should move in with him, but that didn’t go over too well either (that’s another long story too).

So AITA?