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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/THROWRA-Cookie-8736 on 2023-08-13 00:36:42.
Me and my bf have been together for 5 years. We live together. About 2-3 years ago, I found out that he was using sex sites to send/receive nudes, and video call random strangers to jerk off. He admitted it was him and apologized to me, pretty much saying the only reason he did it was because he was horny. We talked in depth, I forgave him and we worked on things. (I know - I should have left then, I know - I’m dumb for it, whatever.) I eventually got my trust back after he earned it.
Yesterday, I found out he had a secret Snapchat account. After some digging I found out he also had another email address. I log into that email and of course - all of the emails are “verification codes” or “you received a message from this person” on all of those sites. I logged into one just to confirm and yup once again he’s asking random girl if they have Snapchat, and video chatting them, using the sites occasionally. (Ik it’s him cause the account are connected to the email, he thinks I was born yesterday)
I brought it up to him and he played clueless. He has no idea what any of that is, and he promises me that he’s not doing anything and this is everything he wants. He asked me “why would I do that when we’re creating a life together? Why would I even come around your family if that’s what I was doing? Why would I give you a promise ring if I was gonna do stupid shit?” At the end of the day, it boils down to trust so you either trust me and what I’m telling you and that I’m not doing shit or you trust whatever you’re seeing on that email”. He even went out of the way to stick his phone out of the window, about to drop it saying he doesn’t need it. I do really believe that he does want to be with me, but does stupid shit when horny, because it looks like he’s using those sites to literally jerk off on camera, or send nudes. Not get to know anyone. Regardless of him trying to change my mind, it’s hard when I’m literally looking at it lmao.
I’m over it. I’m not stupid, and I know how verifying emails/phone numbers work. I believe he’s just gaslighting the fuck out of me. I promised myself if something like this happened again, I’d leave. We have bills that will be paid off in a couple months but me on one income, could not afford at all. Would I be an asshole if I just kept the relationship going a couple months, to save up money and figure out bills so I’m not screwed, then leave? Ik that sounds shitty, I just really don’t know what to do financially.
Next, I really need advice on just leaving in general. I love him and our relationship outside of this is great, we’ve lived together for years, so it is going to take the courage and is going to be so hard on me to leave, and just never talk again. He’s not only my boyfriend, but my bestfriend. I have social anxiety and have been taking him with me everywhere. I don’t have a bunch of friends (the friends I have are through him) so I’m going to be so lonely. It’s so weird to imagine a life without him… so please any advice on anything would be so helpful rn. I feel so lost.
TL;DR: my boyfriend once again was sexually video chatting random women. Not to know them, but only when he’s horny. I know I need to leave and shouldn’t put up with this. I’m having a hard time finding the mentality to do so, and it would financially be hard. Would I be an asshole for staying a couple months while I save money and figure out financials? Also, please give me some advice on leaving. We’ve been together 5 years, it’s all I know and it’s going to be so hard on me…