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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/brokenankles4u on 2023-08-12 06:22:15.
Am I (31f) being emotionally abused by my (35m) husband?
We’ve been married for 10+ years. I have my own career and he has his. We have a daughter together. Recently, he started his own business (4 months ago) and has seen success. I am currently the breadwinner where previously he has always made more money that me. This is a lot of pressure on me because before he quit his job to start this business, he was working 60+ hour weeks for the better part of 2 years.
I made a comment to my family that “I’m the breadwinner now” in a joking way. He was deeply offended and told me to never say this. He has never been private about the fact that he has made more money than me to others, so I was taken aback.
Fast forward to tonight, he asked me to bathe our daughter so he had time to himself (I worked a 40+ hr work week and manage everything from babysitter, cleaner, nanny, groceries) he has been busy this week which usually means I take care of our daughter more because he needs alone time. Fine.
He was resting in the front room (not asleep just mindlessly scrolling on his phone) and our daughter wanted to dance and play there. I got a text from my manager that I had to respond to and in the middle of all that she spilled my open drink of cola and was upset, I comforted her and cleaned up. In the process of me cleaning up, she slipped and fell and my husband literally just sat there and said she was fine while I tried to clean and comfort her. At this point I said “if you’re not going to help, please go somewhere else and rest” and he then picked up our daughter and said “mommy doesn’t know how to regulate herself so daddy is going to give you a bath”
I finished cleaning up and proceeded to follow them and said “I can still bathe her” to which he out of the blue said “get away you psycho bitch, you’re such a psychopath” when I reached for her. This triggered something in me and I said “please give me my daughter, I will take care of her like I said” He responded with “go away you psycho, take a break, we can’t stand you”
At this point my daughter is crying and reaching for me and calling me. He is holding her and I’m blocking the doorway because I’m legitimately worried that he is going to take her from me. She bends out of his arms to reach for me and I reach back- and then he says “why are you getting physical with me bitch?”
I’m crying at this point. I just want my daughter and I’m not going anywhere. I ask him to take a break and put her in the tub. Our daughter is bawling and asks him to leave and clings to me.
I hate that we did this in front of her. I hate that I feel crazy and unreasonable and I am not sure where this is coming from. He isn’t one to typically resort to name calling, especially calling me “psycho” as I have struggled with anxiety and am in therapy because of it. He tried to apologize but then told me I’m just as accountable. I apologized for my bluntness with him and agreed that I could have been more direct in my request for help, but I can’t help but feel like all the action is on me- how am I going to prevent this from happening next time? I asked him what he thinks he should do differently and he said to not name call. That’s it.
Everything is an overreaction on my part. I shouldn’t cry in front of her like that. Next time, I need to have a better attitude. I need to ask for help in better ways.
Is it me? What should I do?