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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/stressandscreaming on 2023-08-12 03:04:50.
This is just a rant. We are beyond counseling, I am beyond hearing advice. I just want to let out my anger, frustration, tears and all the thoughts I’m too scared to write because I worry if I get them out it makes them true.
I am not happy in my relationship. My fiance is a man child who doesn’t support me financially, emotionally or domestically. I can’t rely on him to feed our cats, let alone let me grieve the loss of my grandmother in peace. I argue with this man toddler about cleaning after himself daily. I can’t fucking take it anymore.
We argue about how he responds to me with so much anger no matter how delicately, politely, quietly or kindly I speak to him. We argue about his lack of desire to do anything at home but work on his projects. We argue about never going on dates. We can never have constructive conversations about anything either. They must be arguments because the thought of calmly responding to me and not calling me a “stupid controlling cunt” because I asked him fold some laundry is absolutely impossible.
I regret agreeing to marry him. I regret pursuing him, like good grief I picked a shitty one. I regret doing everything around the house AND paying for every single last expense in our lives for years. He didn’t and doesn’t appreciate any of it.
I’m tired of his weaponized incompetence, acting like he doesn’t know how to clean or cook basic fucking food. I’m tired of asking him to respond to me nicely. I’m tired of reminding him to keep his promises.
I feel alone. I feel like I am wearing a mask in front of my family and friends. I dread every time someone asks me about my “wedding.” I hate talking about the dress or the ring. I’m so unhappy I wish I could just disappear and not have to tell the people I know that I don’t want to marry him and I hate my life and I’ve been really unhappy for 4 years.
Dating and being with men has been a similar experience for me across the board and permanent loneliness is starting to sound better than permanent unhappiness.
Oh God how I wish I could just not exist so I don’t have to think and feel like this.