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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Aggressive-Cat-1779 on 2023-08-10 23:24:01.
I (26f) have a 4 year old son with my ex (30m). We broke up around 4 and a half years ago after he went to prison. A month later I found out that I was pregnant. He was released a few weeks ago.
Earlier today, I ran into him while shopping. We ended up talking for a bit. I had my son with me and he asked about his name and how old he is. When I told him, he got kind of a weird look on his face but didn’t say anything.
I didn’t really think anything of it and continued on with my day. A few hours later I got a call from an unknown number. It was my ex asking me directly if my son was his. I told him he was. He wanted to know why I never told him. I said it didn’t matter because he was literally in prison for 5 years and my boyfriend had been the one to support me through everything.
I could hear him get more and more agitated and he demanded that I let him see my son. I told him if he calls beforehand we can work something out. He agreed to it and I thought that was it.
I then got a text from a mutual friend asking me if it was true that my ex is the father of my son and that I never told him. I said it is true to which he called me a bitch for keeping my ex away from his son. I told to mind his own business.
When my boyfriend got home from work I told him what happened and he said he would be fine with my ex seeing our son from time to time. We started dating while I was pregnant and he loves our son like his own and is actually in the process of adopting him. I know that he doesn’t like my ex very much and if he had said no, I wouldn’t have agreed to letting my ex come by from time to time.
Around 2 hours ago (9p.m.) my ex showed up at our door with a stuffed teddy and some toy cars. He said he was here to see his son and demanded that we let him in. I told him that it was already past my son’s bedtime and that he should come back tomorrow. He ended up trying to push his way in and when that didn’t work he started yelling that I’m a lying bitch, that I have no right to keep him away from his son and that he just wanted to see him. My boyfriend tried to de-escalate things which ended in a fight. My ex then left and I told him to call next time before coming over.
My boyfriend doesn’t want him to come over at all anymore and said I shouldn’t have told him that he’s the father. I do feel kind of bad now because if I had handled this differently all this drama could’ve been avoided.
Should I have told him immediately? Or should I have lied to him?