This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/nfl by /u/Iusethiswhilepooping on 2023-08-10 13:42:09.
[Dallas Cowboys]
Division: [NFC East]
Coaching Changes:
Well, no Moore lighting up the scoreboard, I guess. With the departure of Kellen Moore to the Chargers, things have taken a turn in Jerryworld, and it’s up to new offensive coordinator Brian Cornelius Schottenheimer and Mike Mcarthy’s “Texas Coast Offense” as to whether or not thats a good thing. (Writers note: the Texas coast is 418 miles from ATT Stadium.)
Schottenheimer, most recently an offensive coordinator in Seattle from ‘18-‘20 and the passing game coordinator under Coach Fingerguns in Jacksonville in ‘21, is a bit of a milquetoast replacement for Moore. For instance, in his first year in Seattle, he ran the ball 64% of the time on first down, 54% of the time on second down, and passed 73% of the time on third down. Ideal for a team who’s running back room has a guy that has never been a 3 down back, a hobbit, and a few other warm bodies.
If Schottenhiemer’s reputation for going run run pass wasn’t enough to get Cowboys fans excited, we also rehired Mike Solari as our offensive line coach. I say rehired, because Solari has been an offensive line coach for the Cowboys before- when Tom Landry was the head coach. Solari was most recently with Seattle from ‘18-‘21, and of all the offensive line units of all time, those Seattle units during those years were some of them, consistently grading out in the bottom half of the league in both pass blocking and run blocking according to PFF, and flat out failing the eye test.
Former Birmingham Iron draft pick Scott Tolzien takes over QB coaching duties from Doug Nussmeier, who went to LA with Moore. Tolzien was a coaching assistant for us last year, and is an all around new face to the coaching community, getting his first job in 2019 as the Wisconsin Badgers scouting analyst. Hopefully he can teach Dak to get his footwork right.
Free Agency
There is an Ewok shaped hole in the hearts of all Cowboy fans this year, as we had to cut our worst center but 3rd all time rushing leader in franchise history, Ezekiel Elliot. There are 16.7 million reasons why we had to part ways with Zeke this year, 3.8 yards per carry and an ascending Tony Pollard being chief amongst them.
As of writing, Zach Martin, our all universe guard, is holding out for a raise, which is reasonable as he is arguably the best guard in the NFL right now and a future Hall of Famer, but is the 8th highest paid guard in the NFL. Pay the man, Jerry, he’s earned it, and we already don’t have depth at offensive line after losing Connor Mgovern to the Jets and with Tyron Smith held together by duct tape, Toradol, and hope.
Former Bill, Patriot, Panther, and Colt, Stefon Gilmore rounds out an already stacked Cowboys secondary on a 2yr/ $20 million contract, with $14 million guaranteed. We got a 2 time first team All Pro, 5 time Pro Bowler, Former DPOY for a bag of balls, and a 2023 5th to the Colts. The hope here isn’t that the 33 year old CB repeats his 2019 performance as the DPOY for the Patriots, but that he is simply just good. Surrounded by that suffocating defense, including fellow first team All Pro CB Trevon Diggs, who signed a 5yr/ $97 million extension at the beginning of camp this year, if he stays healthy and just has an average Stephon Gilmore season, our defense has a chance to be terrifying this year.
Former Saint, Patriot, Ram, and Texan, Brandin Cooks provides a much needed vertical threat at WR on a 2yr/ $39,764,000 contract with $36 million guaranteed. For 2 pick swaps with Houston, a 2023 fifth and 2024 sixth, We get his 4.33 speed, and if the former Belitnikoff award winner just runs wind sprints up and down the field on 9 routes to clear out space for CeeDee to do his thing, he will be well worth the money.
Former Toronto FC, Bethlehem Steel FC, and Birmingham Stallion Brandon Aubrey will compete for the Kicking job against hopefully someone better than him, as we have just cut former 49er, Charger, and Cardinal Tristan Vizcaino, who was not better than him, so unless we figure out how to hire a football player instead of a soccer player to replace Brett Maher, who forgot you’re supposed to put the ball between the uprights, not every other imaginable place, then i guess we got our guy?
Draft
1.26: Mazi Smith (DT)
With the 26th overall pick, we took Michigan’s Mazi Smith, with the hopes that he can become the 2 gapping monster in the middle that he was in college. Brian Baldinger compared him to Suh, which is just the insane overreaction i’m looking for in a 1st round Dallas Cowboys draft pick. A+ draft grade for that alone.
2.58: Luke Schoonmaker (TE)
Fellow mitten shaped state (university? Not the one that has the word state in it. I don’t want the blue guys telling me they aren’t the green guys) alumni Luke Schoonmaker is by all accounts just a younger, better version of Dalton Schultz, and continues our weird streak of having a white TE that i’m pretty sure we’ve had going since Billy Joe DuPree retired in 1983. This is a solid B draft grade
3.90: Demarvion Overshown (LB)
A converted safety turned linebacker, Demarvion Overshown out of Texas is a coverage specialist at LB that is a fantastic depth piece, his profile reads a ton like Jayron Kearse, so having him at backup just gives Dan Quinn another speedy piece to add to his arsenal. A solid A for draft grade, simply for getting this guy this late
4.129: Viliami Fehoko Jr. (DE)
Mountain West Defensive Player of the Year Viliami Fehoko Jr out of San Jose State is a bit of a project, as we drafted him for the same reason we drafted Mazi Smith in the first round- we need him to be a run stopper in the middle, so there is some beefing up he has to do to not get killed when moved to DT. This is one of my least favorite picks this year, as it’s not really a position of need after picking up Mazi, and we could have picked up depth at offensive line, but all together he is an interesting player that could potentially turn into something special. Solid C draft grade
5.169: Asim Richards (OT)
Out of UNC with an 82 inch wingspan, Asim Richards is going to get moved inside to guard, and is going to compete in training camp with Matt Farniok, Josh Ball, and Chuma Edoga for the backup Left Guard spot. we need depth at OL, and he seems ok for his draft position, solid B for a draft grade
6.178: Eric Scott Jr. (CB)
Wtf Jerry we already have 6 of these what are you doing? That being said we traded up for him, so somebody saw something more nuanced than literally just some guy from the internet. What’s the most neutral grade? C+ or B-? Whichever one is more like distilled water, pick that for the draft grade
6.212: Deuce Vaughn (RB)
The video of Cowboys scout Chris Vaughn calling his son, Deuce Vaughn, to draft him in the 6th round is one of the most heartwarming scenes of this years draft. And it’s not all Kumbaya bullshit, Deuce is a fuckin dawg my dude. He had north of 1500 yards on the ground his senior season at Kansas state, and is a quicker than fast back seemingly built to be and understudy to Tony Pollard. The thing about him though, and it is a thing, is that there are NFL players who own cars who’s rims are taller than Deuce. Mr Vaughn is just 6 inches taller than being legally a dwarf, which brings real limits to his roll in an NFL offense. Draft grade: A+ times 10 plus a million. One of the steals of the draft this year
7.244: Jalen Brooks (WR)
Lmao wut? 7th round for a guy that had 58 catches for 785 yards and 2 td’s at South Carolina? Practice team body at best. Draft grade: Jerry’s internet got disconnected and they went on auto draft
Other Offseason News that Affected the Team
The Texas Coast Offense
Ok, listen, I understand people doubting that Brian Cornelius Shottenheimer and Michael John McCarthy could possibly come up with an innovative Offense in 2023, but hear me out, it might not actually suck. I know i gave that horrendous run/pass statistic in the coaching changes section about Shottenheimer, but, those were very cherry picked stats. Yes, he did run 64% on 1st, 53% on second, and passed on 73% of third downs in 2018, but in 2019, it was 54% run on 1st, 47% on second down, and passed on 75% of third downs, and by 2020, he was finally starting to get it, never running more than 50% of the time. And Mike McCarthy never went below a 50% pass/run per down in his last 2 years at Green Bay. What that hopefully means, especially with the lack of depth at running back, is that the “Texas Coast” offense is ridiculously reliant on Dak’s arm and our absolute arsenal of pass catchers. If we have a TE develop into a safety valve across the middle, be it either Jake Ferguson or Luke Schoonmaker, we will dink and dunk our way deep into the playoffs. The hope here is that Tony Pollard becomes an Austin Ekler type of player, more of a pass catcher than a between the tackles bruiser, not that either couldn’t, but, with realistically one running back on the roster and then a bunch of guys trying their hardest, passes where Pollard steps out of bounds being as frequent as Pollard taking a pounding in the fucking B gap isn’t the worst idea. I reserve my right to not hate it until Week 1
Zach Martin holding out
A very recent, and a very urgent issue. Without future HoF Martin, our interior protection, the thing that affects pocket passers the most, which i guess Dak …
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