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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Moist_Policy_71 on 2023-08-10 13:56:20.

TRIGGER WARNING: suicide, murder, infanticide, violence against kids

A woman located in my general area hit the news on a national level for shooting her 4mo old baby and then herself. Everyone’s very shocked for a number of reasons, obviously. However, the way some of my co-workers talk about it just irks the hell out of me.

They kept saying “But WHAT would drive someone to DO such a thing??”

I responded “Her baby was only 4mo old, she was probably struggling with Postpartum Depression and/or Psychosis. Dealing with that on top of being an overwhelmed sleep deprived new parent, it can get bad.”

I cited Andrea Yates, the lady whose husband kept getting her pregnant despite doctors telling him she was too mentally ill from PPD/PPP to keep having babies/should not be trusted to be left alone with the kids, only for him to ignore medical advice, keep living his life as though everything was fine and end with her drowning all of her children in the bathtub to “save them from the devil”.

Co-Workers seemed to slightly process what I’d said, make vague noises of agreement, then go right back to “But WHY would she do this? She was beautiful, had a great job as an oncologist, had a wealthy husband and a new baby! Who could be depressed with a life like that!”

So I spoke up again with “Because PPD/PPP is related to hormones, it’s a chemical imbalance, you’re not in your right mind! She almost certainly wasn’t thinking ‘I hate my big house and nice job, time to kill my baby, who is not good enough’”

Once again, some murmurs of agreement…before launching into “What a monster, I could never do something like that, you’d have to be an evil person to be capable of that on any level”

At that point, it was like nah, no, screw this, everything I’m saying is going in one ear and out the other, they want to stay ignorant.

When they started speculating on why anybody feels suicidally depressed, I decided to take a walk to get away from them. I’ve struggled with intense depression and have been suicidal at various points in my life. I really didn’t need to hear insensitive comments about “crazy people” who kill themselves.

Well, it came out in the news finally that all signs point to this woman having been struggling with PPD/PPP. The cops had been called to her home 3x since the summer started (since she’d had the baby). Honestly, it’s wild to me that her behavior was alarming enough to warrant police involvement on multiple occasions and yet her husband still left her to care for the baby alone while he went on a business trip.

It bothers me that PPD/PPP is overlooked and poorly understood by so many people. ~10% of child-bearing people end up with Postpartum Depression. It’s fairly common, that’s 1 in 10.

Postpartum Psychosis is rarer; appearing in 1 in 500 of the postpartum population. 5% of them kill themselves and/or their baby.

PPD should be well understood by the general culture at this point, there’s no excuse. PPP, I can forgive less people understanding it, but it shouldn’t be so overlooked considering how dangerous it can be to ignore or minimize it.

I feel like this “She should’ve been happy and the fact she wasn’t is an indictment of her as a person” attitude is caused, in part, by this misconception that motherhood is a woman’s ~biological destiny~. They are MADE to do this, so women will easily and happily take to all aspects of becoming a new parent! They don’t need support, they don’t need anyone worrying about their mental health, they’re in their element! This is when a woman will be at her happiest! Surely!

Andrea Yates’ Evangelical Christian husband was a firm believer in the idea that women are 1. for putting babies into and 2. having them raise said babies as a SAHM with minimal assistance from their husband.

Babies aren’t men’s biological destiny, god no, men are obviously intended for greater things, so you can’t expect them to get up 6x throughout the night and take care of a newborn alone while their partner focuses on working. Women, though? They love it! Women don’t need sleep! Or help! They’re fine, they’re supposed to be fine!

OK but what happens when they’re not fine? And their PPD is compounded by the guilt of not feeling the way society has taught them they’re supposed to feel after giving birth? Ah, well, they’ll get over it. Just a bit of the baby blues, nbd.

Then, when something as tragic as this happens, it’s immediately about how much of a monster the mother is because “WHAT MOTHER COULD DO SUCH A THING?? THEY’RE SUPPOSED TO BE FINE AND HAPPY, SHE HAS TO BE A DEFECTIVE WOMAN. BAD WOMAN, NO.”

What mother could “do such a thing”?? A very mentally ill one, you absolute goons! Jesus!

Makes me sick.