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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/mooooooll on 2023-08-09 22:44:35.

f21 m25

I’ve been with my boyfriend for officially 2 years, but we were dating for a whole year before he actually made it official with me. It took him a long time to ask because he wanted to be sure, and wanted it to feel right, didn’t want to rush etc. We now have our own apartment together.

We’ve had our ups and downs like usual couples, however I’ve had problems not feeling loved, cared for, appreciated, and we’ve had countless conversations about this and nothing has changed really - however we had a conversation last night and he’s promised to willingly put more effort in.

He’s my best friend, I do love him so much. But I cant stop thinking about past sexual experiences with him and our current sex life. It’s making me feel sick because I know it’s wrong, I know its not right. But I’m scared I’m being dramatic or sensitive…?

Before meeting him, I was a virgin. Complete newbie. He knew this after the first time we had sex.

  • we had a big problem where he would give me the cold shoulder if I didn’t want to have sex with him. he would be really harsh and distant. this made me feel pressured into having sex more than a handful of times. I would give in so many times, even if I didn’t want to. even if it hurt. I would just carry on because it was better than making him upset or angry with me. I spoke to him about this and he was upset that I felt pressured, and said he would make a conscious effort to not be so harsh if I turned him down, however he said it’s a guy thing to be sexually frustrated and to need that release, and that it makes him angry if he can’t release it. he also believes in not wanking because he said he had a real problem with it in the past. He’s gotten better at not being harsh, he’s still cranky when I don’t want sex, but he’s not ‘as bad’ as he used to be. I still feel pressured sometimes in fear of upsetting him.
  • he used to basically make me carry on if I bled having sex, regardless of if I was in pain or not. Because I gave in once when I was bleeding during sex, when I wanted to stop another time because I was bleeding, he got angry and said ‘you carried on last time so what difference does it make’. I’ve not bled in a while so this hasn’t happened recently. But still.
  • he had this fantasy where he desperately wanted to have sex outside. I’ve never wanted to do this and would never have done it if he didn’t bring me outside himself. We were in a hotel with an outdoor area, not a balcony but a shared patio with the room next door. It was NOT very private but it was dark. We were having date night and went back to the hotel a bit tipsy. We started having sex, and he asked if we should go outside. I said ah I don’t know about this, got all panicky, but he basically picked me up and continued to have sex with me outside against a wall. I did not want to do this and id previously said this. He said we need to have fun in the bedroom and make things exciting. The idea of this still makes me feel sick. I wish I’d have stopped him.
  • we were on another date night and he wanted to have sex in my car. he guided me to my car and we sat in the back seats, tipsy again. he pulled his pants down ready, being angry I didn’t reciprocate. He knew I didn’t want to. There was people all around. Yes it was dark, but it didn’t make me want to do it either way. He got angry at me because I wouldn’t do it. Because I wouldn’t even just ‘suck his dick’. I wrecked date night that night because it was a waste of money apparently because we didn’t have sex full stop.
  • he used to constantly talk about threesomes, all the time. even sometimes on date nights. I said I would maybe consider it but didn’t promise anything because I wasn’t comfortable… we ended up creating an account on a swinging website which i REALLY didn’t want to do. nothing ever came of it, thank god, but still. he basically called me boring that I would never engage in it, because we need to keep the sex exciting and not boring. he would get angry at me for turning it down, and said I can’t turn down something I’ve never done before. I needed to be more open minded apparently.
  • I’ve engaged in some things that I really didn’t want to and didn’t feel comfortable with, but did anyway because I didn’t want to annoy him. like being tied completely up with under the bed cables. wearing a black out hood. being blindfolded.
  • I’ve caught him recording me a few times during sex which just makes me feel sick. Since the last time, he said he will never do it again. And just said he was too horny and it made him do it. I’ve checked his phone and can’t find them thank god. Still makes me feel sick though.
  • he likes it when I’m drunk and encourages me to drink more on date night. this just makes me super aware and like I can’t enjoy myself.
  • he used to touch my body all over, fondle my boobs, privates. then get angry when I told him to stop. said I made him feel like a criminal.
  • he used to always say I should join only fans because we would make so much money. he tried to convince me so many times, and would be sad I didn’t want to.

All of these things combined are making me not want to have sex with him anymore. Wow. It felt good to type all of that out and get it off my chest.

tl;dr basically just getting stuff off my chest to do with sex in my relationship.