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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/soayherder on 2023-08-07 22:57:56.

This is just a friendly reminder that if you are uncomfortable with a dude - in fat, with anyone - and need to cancel a date, or turn them down, you are not required to give an explanation as to WHY. Yes, explanations are great, with reasonable people who live in a compassionate yet logical universe, and sometimes that’s who you’re talking to, but I see so many women fretting over how to let down someone else - almost always a man - worried about coming across as mean but worried that they won’t cut off pursuit if they’re not mean.

Explanations are there as a social buffer for people you intend to continue contact with - be it professional or personal contact. They are designed for dealing with sane, relatively ‘safe’ people. If you are worried about someone’s response, you are not required to give an explanation. If you are worried that any response other than an enthusiastic ‘yes, I’ll be there’ which you don’t want to give is going to result in more trouble and drama for you, then no answer you give is going to work; so you may as well aim for as professional a response as you can come up with.

Focus on your personal safety. Ask yourself these questions:

Will giving them a reply other than ‘I am no longer interested, thank you, but please do not contact me again’ going to in any way improve the situation?

Am I potentially in danger from this person, and if so, what steps are most likely to prevent this situation from escalating while maintaining as much distance from this person as possible?

If I consider myself in potential danger from this person, what is the minimum I need to do to protect myself legally before cutting off communication?

If the only imminent danger that seems likely is his feelings are hurt, OR if you manage to not hurt his feelings that he will continue to try to pursue you, hurt those feelings. Yes, it feels cruddy to hurt someone’s feelings. You don’t have to go out of your way to do so, but you should not put yourself in mental, emotional, or physical harm’s way to protect his feelings; his feelings will recover. And if it discourages him from continuing an unwanted pursuit, that is what you want.

Protecting an unwanted pursuer’s feelings is not a job any of us should take on. We didn’t ask for it, we’re not paid for it, and it does nobody any good over the long run - including said pursuer.