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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/PlainRosemary on 2023-08-07 19:20:18.

Background: I chatted with a neighbor on my neighborhood group page, and he invited me to a get together. I wasn’t able to make it, but about a month ago he asked if I wanted to come over, and I said sure, thinking it was a group thing like the other invites, and that I might make some new friends. When I arrived, it was just him and a fire pit. That was initially ok, but by the end of the night (1.5-2hrs) it seemed that he invited me over with the express intent of trying to get me alone and fuck me.

His behavior: It was completely innocuous at first, and we had a great time and a couple drinks and talked about our mutual hobbies. He pressured me into the last few drinks and repeatedly tried to touch me, which I asked him not to do - leaning mostly out of his chair to grab my arm or try to squeeze my waist. He tried to pressure me to drink a glass of whiskey when I said I was leaving, and he offered to walk me home, which was completely unnecessary. I told him no, and he started arguing about it, and at that point I am ashamed to say I was so tired that I gave up arguing in favor of just getting up and walking home so I could go to sleep. I was DONE.

He then tried to kiss me when we got to my house, which was WILDLY inappropriate and gross, and I ended up saying no or ew or something, ducking to the side, and awkwardly patting him on the back. Then I turned, walked away, and locked myself inside.

My behavior: I made it abundantly clear that I wasn’t interested in anything more than making a new friend with my words and body language, including mentioning that I am not interested in dating. I sat far away, I moved if he reached out, I asked him not to touch me, and I shot down the few crass, sexual comments he made later on and left as soon as my drunk brain started figuring out where he wanted this to go.

The concerning aftermath: I woke up the next morning a little fuzzy, trying to figure out how a group fire pit evening turned into a bait and switch for an unwitting “date,” and then I remembered his wet lips making contact with my hair and just wanted to puke. I know I could have handled it better, which is a great reason to not drink so much that I become less assertive.

When I checked my phone, he blew it up. At least half a dozen texts, mostly of the “good morning beautiful 😘” variety, and then some negging me for not responding quickly enough for him. Later that afternoon, he blew up my phone with call after call, and an urgent text asking me to call him ASAP. I texted back, and I think I asked if it was an emergency, and he responded that he wanted me to have dinner with him and a friend. (The friend who probably wouldn’t show… Did he expect that to work more than once?) I made the mistake of responding politely to some of his bragging texts, and they continued innocuously. Then he booty texted me at almost midnight asking me if I wanted to come over.

I would like to to stress that I NEVER agreed to date him, sleep with him, or go over alone to his house at night. I never flirted, and in fact, I shot down his vulgar attempts at flirting - like his “joke” about him having blue balls.

I told him I was asleep, and haven’t responded to anything since. It’s been weeks and I’m still getting texts, Facebook messages, and calls. “Hey girl,” “up for a drink,” “good morning,” etc etc.

I need some reasonable options for how to manage this - I’m not sure if ignoring him will work. I can continue it, which is manageable, but I’m concerned that if I continue, he will escalate and show up at my house or try to hurt me or damage my property. He may not be the violent type, but there’s no way to know until he goes there. And he’s shown that he doesn’t respect the word no.

I do not have enough for a restraining order at this point, which is why I haven’t blocked him. I’m afraid of what his response may be if I tell him I don’t like his behavior and ask him not to contact me again. He’s obviously a legend in his own mind, and refuses to take no for an answer, so open rejection could escalate his behavior.

I’m open to advice, or vents, or anything.

Edit: if your advice is to tell him I’m not interested in a relationship, please keep in mind that I already did, and he ignored it. Saying it a second time may not help, or may force his behavior to escalate. If you’re going to suggest that, I’m open to it and taking suggestions on what to say and how to phrase it so that it doesn’t cause him to lash out violently.