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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/2351998 on 2023-08-06 23:45:55.

Just a vent.

I live in New York. I never have this problem when I’m out in public with my fiancé. No one starts an unprompted conversation, except maybe to genuinely ask for directions.

If I’m out in public on my own or with a female friend for any prolonged period of time, there is a higher than 50% chance that I / we will be recipients of an unwelcome approach.

Today, I was at my neighborhood park, reading a book, with freaking headphones on. I thought that was the universal sign of “please don’t speak to me”. An older guy (probably >60s) comes and sits down less than 2 feet away from me at my table, despite there being plenty of other seats around. He taps the table to get my attention. He launches in an unwarranted, 10-minute spiel about his life and how he ended up in New York. I smile, answer his intermittent questions with one-word answers, and I’m thinking to myself (1) Is this just a friendly, old guy looking for a chat or is he trying to hit on me? or (2) how can I politely get this guy to get away from me. To my great regret, I left my engagement ring at home today because I’d been cleaning the apartment.

After a while, he calls me a “beautiful young lady”, tells me it’s “not that often that a pretty girl like you reads actual books” and asks for my name and why am I in New York. That’s when I just instinctively know – oh. He’s not a friendly guy looking for a conversation partner. Even though I gave no indication I’m interested (I spoke maybe 5 words in the past 10 minutes while he spoke ad lib about himself) he’s angling for something.

I give him a fake name and tell him I moved here for my fiancé, even though that’s not true at all, just to give him the hint I’m absolutely not interested. And guess what? Within 20 seconds, this guy makes an excuse to leave.

These men are so transparent. And it’s so hard to enjoy being out in public because I just know it’s a matter of time before some guy decides he has the right to my time. I could list about 10 more examples of this happening off the top of my head, just from the past year.

It’s nothing about how they act that infuriates me – they might be perfectly respectful and non-violent. What infuriates me is that it’s so incessant. I can’t go anywhere without being reminded of this leering male presence.

Fellow humans – how do you deal with this?