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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/BabyShowerMadness on 2023-08-06 12:39:21.
My (F29) mom (F58) and I have a bit of a love-hate relationship. Everything is smooth sailing while things are going her way, but God forbid I do something she disagrees with.
My husband (M30) has been encouraging me to stand up to her more and be more willing to share my thoughts, but it is so difficult. I am so tired of having the consistent drama of her not liking what I am doing.
I am 28 weeks pregnant with my first, and I don’t want to bring a child into this super dysfunctional relationship. I am making sure to enforce really strong boundaries and consistent consequences during my pregnancy so hopefully it is easier when the baby is born (or at least, she knows I mean business). Thankfully, my husband is a saint and is pretty keen on us having very firm boundaries.
The last few weeks have been an ordeal. I have had to stand strong against all kinds of things, and she has tried every weapon in her arsenal to get me to crack. I am talking guilt trips, the silent treatment, slandering me to other family members, the whole shebang. I am just exhausted.
The new fight today is that she doesn’t like my baby shower plans. I want something so small, just my two best friends (F29 and F28), my SIL (F32), my sister (F23), my mom, and my MIL (F62). The plan is for high tea, that way we can relax and just chat.
My mom is convinced that this is inappropriate and I will get uncomfortable sitting at a cafe for a couple of hours given the heat. The thing is, I don’t actually care anymore about her suggestions, because I know they aren’t coming from a good place when they start with, “I know you don’t know how to be a mother yet, but…”
Basically, I sent her a text telling her that I can’t go to war about every little thing and to please give me space. Then, I muted her notifications. It was blissful silence for a few hours until my sister phoned me absolutely out of her mind saying that my mom had told her I stopped answering and that I was in the hospital.
Now my sister is upset because half the family were panicked and thinking I was dead, which could have all been avoided if I had answered my mom. So, was I the AH?