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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/SierraNancy on 2023-08-05 16:27:53.
I’m curious as to your thoughts. My Husband’s sister has 3 children, an 8th month old baby, a 3 1/2 year old, and a 6 year old. My Husband and I do not have kids, nor are we planning to have any. His parents and aforementioned sister live about 3 hours away. Because we have less “baggage,” we are typically the ones who will travel to see them, usually every month or so.
Previously, his parents, sister and her husband and her kids have done day trips to visit us (they all prefer to go home and sleep in their same beds, it’s not that we haven’t offered for them to stay). Anyway, the last time the entire group came, our nieces were very poorly behaved. Now before you say “THEY’RE KIDS”- I’m talking about playing on the stairs, jumping on the future, wiping their dirty hands on the walls, etc. things kids do, sure, but when in someone else’s home, you’d assume their parents would try to limit this kind of behavior. However, my SIL and her husband do not believe in disciplining their children. I’m not talking “gentle parenting”, I mean, as soon as a tantrum gets going, their immediate reaction is to give them whatever they want, immediately fix whatever their problem is, without explanation.
My Husband mentioned that he would like the group to visit this weekend, and I’m really not interested. I don’t mind if my mother and father in law come, but I tried nicely to explain to my Husband that I’d prefer his sister and the kids not come along as well. He was not pleased. I’m not trying to be an asshole, and I generally like my SIL and her husband, but in my opinion, if they’re not going to discipline the kids (or allow others to set boundaries within their own home) I don’t think they should be allowed here. I’m not saying forever, but I think until her kiddos clam down a bit, then it’s better for our familial relationship if we stick to visiting them at their home, where they can do as they’d like.