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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/urbantigress on 2023-08-05 14:28:12.
Obviously, this is a generalisation, there are exceptions. No need to tell me that. Just felt like venting.
Okay, so I have recently been thinking and researching more on the realities of marriage and am so grateful I have. I’m not against marriage but now that I am more observant of the women in my family/social circles, I can see so many of them -while not abused or anything- have basically trapped themselves in a life that they are essentially juggling unfulfilling duties of others and their unmet goals/needs.
Naturally, I started getting more and more TikTok posts/ads and whatever of overly romanticised wedding and engagement posts. It then hit me that my entire like I had heard and seen the same ‘fairytale’ narrative: woman finds man, gets proposed to, wedding day is the best day, then lives as devoted wife (and mother). Engagement rings. Lavish wedding dresses. Copious trashy romance media.
Just no.
There are numerous posts on this sub on what most women have to do for marriage. So I won’t get into that.
It made me realise how the men who so-called ‘run from marriage’ and then go for the most docile women they can find were just looking for control. It made me realise how the men I know basically have won the game of life. None of them are inherently ‘bad’ (in that, they treat their wives well and with respect), they just have capitalised on the way society favours them. But then there’s the flip side of millions of women who ARE trapped, abused, used and essentially, slaves.
It now pisses me off because I feel like I was being sold a lie. Even the women who always complain about their husbands always try and shove marriage down my throat. I’m 23 now, but when I was 20 I was almost engaged to a man much older than me. It broke for different reasons but mainly because I met him when I was 17 and shy, and by the time I was 20 I had very high boundaries/was very blunt. He married someone else and apparently, she quit her job and essentially is at his beck and call. I am so so glad I didn’t go through with it.
Am I saying not to get married or that I would refuse to get married? No. Am I saying your wedding day can’t be the best day? No. I’m just saying be careful.
I know I may get some comments calling me naive, and that’s fine. Of course, I was naive. We all are at some point. My culture (as with many others) is very ‘woman’s sole purpose is to be wife and mother’, so obviously it’s going to be sold in the most saccharine manner. Even in cultures where that narrative isn’t pervasive I still see all this (I am based in Western Europe right now and still see all this). But I think there are more women than not that fall for this. Marriage/‘love’ is a big business. That’s what keeps it going.
Love to hear your thoughts