This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Ambitious-Radish-147 on 2023-08-05 12:41:32.

After my husband’s father passed, we (my husband and me, both in our late 40s, and our kids and cats) moved a significant distance to be in the same town as my MIL, who is now living alone. She is in her 80s and my husband did not want to be very far away from her, and he also wanted to spend more time with her. My parents also live about 4 hours from our new place, so we were both happy about the decision to move.

I’ve never had a good relationship with my MIL, when we visited her she would make snide remarks about how I was a freeloader and wasting my husband’s money because I was a stay at home mom… and just generally small things, like she would make coffee for everyone except me, etc. So I have really disliked her for years, but I did make a decent effort when we visited to be polite and not make a mess of my husband’s relationship with her. Although sometimes I would complain about her actions to him. But mostly it worked, because it was just for a week or two in a year and I put up with it.

Now that we live nearby, my husband visits her almost every other weekend, which I honestly don’t mind. I don’t go, and he doesn’t mind that. But then she kept telling him how unkind and selfish it is of him to not invite her to stay with him, because a good son wouldn’t leave his old mom to live alone, etc etc. So he talked to me about it, and I said she was trying to pressure him and not to give in to it, but he got upset and said that it’s true and the least he can do for his mother is take care of her when she needs it. So I suggested we have her over for a week and see how it goes before committing to anything permanent, because if I’m being honest the idea of living with her all the time sounds like hell. He agreed, she stayed for a week, and it was awful. She said our black cats were bad luck and left the door open when we were not home so they would run away. One of them did run away and I was sick over it, and when we finally found her even my husband was furious with my MIL. Indoor cats don’t know how to survive outdoors and it terrifies me that she could have been crushed by a car. She insulted my cooking nonstop for a few days so I bought her takeout, and then I heard her talking on the phone to a relative saying how I was so lazy I couldn’t even be bothered to cook for the family. After she left my husband and I both agreed that her living with us permanently would not work. So now she lives with a live-in nurse.

Recently she has had worsening health issues and had a minor surgery, it will take a few weeks to recover from it. She very forcefully expressed that she wants stay with us until she recovers. I said no way. My husband is very angry, because he says I barely have any contact with her and I can manage for a few weeks, and it won’t kill me, and that he can’t justify not being there for her when she actually needs it. He thinks I’m being selfish, and I am, but I really cannot stand her. AITA?