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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/chanmanfriend on 2023-08-05 11:29:20.
I’ve been with my partner for almost 9 years. We live together, have five cats. We already purchased a home together (his money, both of our decision), and once I finish graduate school we talk about buying another as our family home to have kids in. We love each other and I’ve never questioned his commitment to me. But he won’t propose. He’s very traditional and says he wants to get married, but also openly jokes about not doing it. He jokes that our kids will call us “their mom and her boyfriend”.
I’ve expressed repeatedly I really want to get married, but anytime I openly ask about it he jus stays he doesn’t want to talk. When I asked him when he thought we would get engaged during the holiday a few months he asked me why I was ruining Easter.
I started reaching out to the person I wanted to make our custom rings because I just don’t want to wait around anymore and think I should just propose to him. But that’s not what I pictured and it just makes me sad. I started the process but haven’t responded to the jeweler in over a week because I feel so conflicted.
Last night I opened Instagram to see a friend got married in a backyard ceremony to her boyfriend of two years. I mentioned it to my boyfriend and he jokingly asked if I thought they would last and I just kind of lost it. I jus t started sobbing. I told him I feel so embarrassed because we’ve been together so long and now I’m at the point in my life that I see everyone around me starting to get married to partners they’ve had for such a short time. It makes me feel like he can’t actually decide if he wants or likes me. Were 9 years in, what is he not sure about? He just got really quiet and said “you know I love you right?”
Honestly ruined my entire night. We didn’t really talk about it anymore. I just don’t really understand where to go from here. I’ve tried so many times to communicate how important it is to me and I believe marriage is important to him to. It’s just becoming so clear finally that it’s not important to him when it’s with me. I just feel so heartbroken. And I don’t want to be on the verge of tears everytime I open my phone to a happy announcement from friends. Do I just need to push through and propose myself or get over the idea of marriage?
Sorry, I’m just looking for advice. I talk to my sister but I’m so embarrassed/ ashamed that I can’t say anything to anyone else in my life. I