This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/undercover_samurai on 2023-08-05 05:46:05.
Hey all - I could just use a little love right now. My mom passed away this week after a very long and cruel fight with lung cancer. Our relationship was fraught with arguments and reconciliation, pain and joy. She was a much different person in my youth, who could be rather cruel. She often made me feel that I would never amount to enough for her, that I was fat, that I was an underachiever. She mellowed out a lot as I got older. Isn’t it strange to see that the parents you knew in your youth no longer exist in your adulthood? She changed so much. The mother who never cooked me dinner suddenly took baking classes. She freed herself of my father and met someone who actually loved her. She explored and laughed and loved.
The hardest part is that she was never great at verbally expressing her feelings. As she got weaker and weaker, I kept waiting for that moment where she would wrap me in her arms and tell me how much she loved me. How proud she was. But it never came. I know it’s not fair to put expectations on things like this. I know that she loved me in her own way. She would worry about me and she would always end every conversation with “be good”, since I had often not been. I had got into trouble with drugs in my youth because I never found a way to manage my depression.
I just miss her so much. I wish that I had fixed our relationship. I wish I had done a lot of things differently. If your mom is still around, give her a big hug the next time you see her. Tell her you love her. Please.