This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/greymatter-_- on 2023-08-04 20:58:54.
After the pandemic hit, I moved cities and started living with my folks. In the Sept of 2020 my bf visited me. We booked a nice hotel in my city to spend time with each other.
During our stay, I found out that a lady has been sending him her pictures and texting him. I could only see one picture that she sent him and it was a bit revealing, she had a top on with a very deep neck exposing her cleavage. Her texts were also concerning. She had written that she misses his touch & longs for it.
I was furious to see that, I asked my bf to show me the entire chat, he immediately deleted the entire thing. When I inquired, I got to know that he met her on Tinder just before I came into his life and they had hooked up in the past. And that she really likes him and acts clingy at times. Apparently, my bf had not told her about his relationship with me. I asked my bf to call her up and tell her about us. He denied. We had a squabble, he apologized and the next day he left.
I can understand that he cannot call someone out of the blue to make them learn about his relationship status. But, the thing that bothered me was why had he not told her about us yet! Why delete the chats? Hiding about your relationship to someone is downright leading them on. Regardless, I told him I don’t like her presence in his life and that he should end it. I think any sane partner would want that. He said that he would, not readily but gradually without hurting her feelings.
I was hurt, my trust was shaken. This topic would come up once in a while but eventually I let it subside. Fast forward to the present day, I am engaged to my bf. My bf is still meeting this lady for drinks occasionally. I don’t like this one bit. He says that it’s platonic, they are good friends but that is not the point. The point is I explicitly expressed my discomfort & asked him not to engage with the lady, three years back. He never stopped. He has absolutely no regard for my feelings.
Now when I try to discuss with him, he gets mad at me saying that he can’t have me control his life. He will meet with whoever he wants. He blames me for being controlling and nagging as if I’m overreacting to the situation. He says I am getting triggered over nothing. And I should not bring up something that happened that long back for which he already apologized.
So, I just wanna know, is it really me? Am I the one at fault here? Is it normal to engage with your past flings when you are in a committed relationship? Am I being crazy?