This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Quick_Razzmatazz7064 on 2023-08-04 16:24:36.
I have been with my husband for 4 years, and married for 3 months. Shortly after we began dating, his ex-wife, let’s call her Grumpy, reached out to him about reconciling and getting back together. He refused. She’s cordial to me in front of their kids but when they’re not around or were on the phone discussing something regarding the kids she made it abundantly clear she views me as the awful woman who stole her second chance away.
Grumpy could not stand to hear anything about ‘Us’. Anytime they were in the same place thanks to his parents or events/games for the kids, she would go on at length about her life, her doings, her boyfriend while making conversation but shut it down anytime my husband mentioned anything about our life together. Instead of “We have plans for today” he’d go “I have these plans”. It got to a point I told him I felt like he was hiding me to appease her and was getting fed up with it. I don’t expect us to be friends or anything of the sort but I do expect for a grown adult woman to be able to hear “Sorry I can’t take the kids right now because I’m on my way to Razzmatazz’s parents, I told you I’d be out of town for a couple of days.” After our talk, he started using a co-parenting app to communicate with her so it was only about the kids.
The app worked until it came to wedding planning and making arrangements for the kids. They started using phone calls and talking in person again and it started back up. Tipping point for me was her referring to our wedding as ‘their father’s big party’. Since the wedding, we’ve been at events with her four times. If the kids are right there, I speak to her as necessary but otherwise, I flat-out ignore her. No answering questions, no responding to statements or her fishing for compliments or her playing nice in front of others. This last event was my in-law’s anniversary party. Since the party was during Grumpy’s custody time, they invited her. Once again, I ignored her. I guess my mother-in-law noticed because when the party was over she pulled me aside to tell me I had been rude to Grumpy and while she knows she can be a bit much, I need to be the bigger person so Grumpy and my husband can co-parent peacefully.
My husband feels its a damned if we do, damned if we don’t situation so he has no problem with me ignoring her since I don’t do it in front of the kids. So AITA for ignoring his ex-wife whenever I’m around her?