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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/sam_socute on 2023-08-04 00:31:03.
Sorry for formatting l/grammar I’m using my phone on a ward.
TLDR: he chose an office party rather than visiting me the day of my first surgery.
(25f) partner (26m) and I are engaged and have been together nearly 5 years.
I went to an ER due to severe abdominal pain/vomiting/dehydration/dizziness Friday night. After rehydrating +stabilising me I was let go since it was initially suspected to be a chronic issue I’ve suffered from with my upper belly. WRONG! Felt sick again so decided to go to my mums who lives across London 5 am Sunday. Partner was sweet initially, even getting his friend who was staying around and had a car to drive us across the city (they’d just got back from a party).
But I digress…by the time I had gotten to my mums’ house my condition had deteriorated and about 20 minutes later I went to the ER by ambulance. That’s the last time I saw my fiancé, early Sunday morning. Since then my little brother has been a star sibling and really making sure I got the correct treatment.
I understand him not being with me Sunday since his friend had travelled from another city to see him and it’s been so long. Monday/Tuesday he was working from home and we have a cat- so I understood and it’s about 1 hour 30 minutes train journey from our house. But at least he called me Monday and checked and stuff. Wednesday/Friday he’s working from his office, which is a tiny bit closer (approx 35 minutes). He still didn’t visit and I accepted he was tired. We even fought that I was texting and calling him more, and everything he knew was updated without him actually asking. My mum was a bit upset as well as he was not calling my mum or family for updates/insights when my brother was with me at the ER and I couldn’t t move/talk.
He leaves work early so he can “call me” and let the cat outside. The cat does like outdoors but he also had everything he needed at home, plus the hospital was only 37 minutes from his job according to maps. Its only an 1.30 mins to our place from the hospital so if he stayed with me for just 1 hour, he would of been home from work the usual time just by skipping lunch. Btw this whole time I’m mainly texting.
He knew I was going under the knife before he left for work today. I woke him with a good morning message at 6:50 am knowing he wakes at 7:30 and must leave at 8: 15. I also followed with something I lovingly remembered to heads up him about near 9 and no reply. That’s how texting was most of the day one sided, even when he knew I was going into surgery. I know a laparoscopy isn’t a big surgery at all but it’s the only one I had. For other context I’ve been suffering with this abdominal pain (different organs) on and off for months and it’s impeded my work so this is such a big deal for me. For everyone to be honest, even my typically absent family members showed up.
At one point I texted I was hurt and started “jokingly” having a one sided conversation between myself and myself on WhatsApp to make a point. He replied and said I was super funny. But I communicate my feelings as and when I’m hurt but this time I was in so much guilt even has to be with me. I know it’s not easy to be with health and personal issues which were completely out of my control, but still shame inducing. He’s extremely been supportive of that and wishes I can get better and back on track to where I wanna be. Plus early on in the week when I brought up how the fact that I was trying way harder to communicate in this time made me feel it also caused a massive fight, where I ended up being the only one apologising.
So at 8.47 am I tell him I will have surgery in an hour. He doesn’t message/ call in that hour but luckily it’s delayed until noon. He doesn’t call in that time at all actually, just replies to some memes I sent and silences. Again I feel like I’m carrying the conversation. I say I’m going into theatres just before I’m rolled away and told to leave my phone. Come back to a “is it too late to call ?” Text 40 minutes after I’m taken. Reply “non lol I just got out.” I finally try to call him when I can talk with no reply for 2 hours.
Now here’s where I’m super hurt and maybe it’s weird this is the particular thing? Idk. Cuz there is so much stuff that could take the cake I left out. But after not hearing his voice once, the day of my surgery, still carrying the conversation and being the one to send the good morning texts, he finally calls just before 7pm. I hear cheers and people laughing and remember today was an office drinks day ritual thingy they do. He sounded also just the genuine happiest since everything , the “ how are you doing my love” was so upbeat . I was both relived he sounded better and shattered.He normally doesn’t call me babe or stuff when he’s in the office anymore but I think the noise gave it an exemption.
So now I’m just wondering . Am I too much? Should I be grateful for what I get since I’m so difficult compared to girls my age due to health. I’m being paranoid and insecure. I feel worthless, sad. BUT ABOVE ALL ANGRYY. I feel anger more than physical pain and I can’t stand post-op.
Sorry for mesay my brain is still spinning from meds and i kind of processed as I wrote so it may sound sporadic.