This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Environmental-Age111 on 2023-08-03 07:27:39.
Okay quickly for context, my partner (27M) and I (24F) have been together for 3 years and It has been the most fulfilling relationship I’ve had thusfar. He’s attractive, considerate, mature, handles his own and has been relatively emotionally intelligent. He recently completed his law degree and is extremely driven to become an attorney (He’s even spoken about opening his own firm with his collegues). I’m currently working in education and been relatively career driven for a majority of my adult life.
I was over his place a few nights ago when we had a conversation about where we will be living in a few years (We’re currently live seperately) when he said something that I’m still processing now. I mentioned in our conversion that honestly it doesn’t matter where we live as long as we’re together and he brought up If I was having any doubts about living together indefinitely for the foreseeable future. I thought this was strange because our relationship has been rather fulfilling and we shared mutal excitement for moving in and getting married in the past). When I replied with “No” I then asked if he was having any doubts (I honestly would’ve been fine if he said “yes” because it is a big commitment and I would’ve valued his transparency). He replied with “It’s not really that I’m having doubts but It might not be healthy long term” and asked him “why? millions of couples all over the world live togther and they’re fine?”. He paused for few seconds and said “Look, you know I have a rigorous lifestyle and I’m worried that living together might soften me up and I can’t afford that”. My heart sank. I asked him what he means by that exactly and he replied with, verbatim “I’ve seen a lot of guys lose their work ethic and soften when they move in with their partners and I don’t want that for me or my career right now”. I honestly couldn’t believe it.
After he said that I dropped the conversion and continued on with the night while fighting back tears. I’ve never even heard of this? I know couples let themselves go after marriage and kids but not wanting to live their partner in fear of softening up? I’m lost for words…
Has anyone else had this experience with their partners?