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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/yourlittlemissy on 2023-08-02 18:43:33.

My dad told me I have to be sexier for my boyfriend.

I live at my parent’s house with my boyfriend. My parents adore my boyfriend and we all get along really well. My parents are letting us stay with them so we can save money and get our own place.

Today, my dad asked if he could talk to me. In general, my dad likes to pull me aside and have these long conversations where he shares fatherly advice. I know he means well so I never mind them. Most of the times, the advice is great.

Well, today, he told me I have to be sexier for my boyfriend. He said that he just wanted to share what worked best for him and my mom. He gave examples about how my mom would wear sexy clothing and all that. He says that when my boyfriend comes from work, he sees me in the same comfy clothes from that morning. I work from home and I get up early with him. We usually shower together after work. The comfy clothes are not the pjs I woke up with but they are usually sets of comfy shirts and shorts.

He said that we are still young and new and I need to keep things spicy. That I am acting like I am mother who just gave birth. That I need to take advantage that I am young. He didn’t say this in a mean tone. He was trying to mean well.

I feel so disgusted with myself. I struggle a lot with body image (my mom comments a lot on my weight so it doesn’t help) and I am in therapy to deal with previous SA and my anxiety issues. I am also in couple therapy with my boyfriend.

I often have irrational thoughts that I am failing as a woman. That I am not sexy enough, that I am going to push my boyfriend away. My boyfriend is amazing and understands that we aren’t always going to be initimate every day. He tries hard to reassure me. I feel this conversation with my dad undid all of that.

I feel so awful. I’m not sure what to do. I don’t have a lot of friends to talk about this. It hurts so much that my dad thinks this way. I am scared he is right.