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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Inside_Register3070 on 2023-08-02 10:26:24.
My parents are in a polycule relationship with a man. I’ve always been mildly uncomfortable with it just due to a variety of features about the whole thing. For starters the man is as young as I am and he basically now lives in my former room growing up. I don’t say anything about it as its their life and they can live it as they like but, and I’ll be completely honest here, all of it sort of discomforts me. Nevertheless, I have my own life and I still love them and I try not to think of that in any capacity. They are happy and that’s good for them.
With that background out of the way. I am getting married soon and I wanted my parents to be there ofc. They were happy for me and it was great. Then my SO and I got to arranging everything for the wedding and we eventually began arranging the seating. I wanted to run my seating plan by my parents as they know some people better so I emailed it to them and asked them to look it over. They looked it over and then they called me that I had missed a seat for Dave (fake name for their significant other). I told them I didn’t think Dave would be coming. They said they would be all coming and I said I’m not sure if its a good idea. I try to tip-toe to gently tell them to not bring Dave but they were insistent, so I was frank with them. I told them I was uncomfortable with Dave coming and I wanted to share my special day with them, not Dave. I tried to explain why I didn’t think it was appropriate.
At this point, things took a turn for the worse. We had a back and forth which basically devolved into a fight. Eventually, they basically said they’d much rather just not come if they couldn’t come as a couple. I, in a moment of anger, then said “great, then don’t come” in a passive aggressive tone.
I haven’t talked to my parents since then. In a way I feel like they’ve changed so much from when I was young. I still love them and I still wanted them to come but all of this is just not how I imagined my wedding going. It’s their life to live but this is my wedding. Its supposed to be about me and my SO surrounded by people we cherish. Dave and I have no relationship. He is a stranger to me and, respectfully, I genuinely am completely fine with that.
I want them to come but if they want to bring Dave, I much rather they just don’t. I love them but I don’t want Dave there.
So, AITA?
Edit: We’re not doing a +1 system. The wedding is only people we love and cherish and their families that we love and cherish. Its a 53 person wedding, so it isn’t huge.