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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/MichaelsDadAITA on 2023-08-01 22:59:35.
I’m a single father to Michael who just turned 12. My son is not who you would typically imagine when envisioning a preteen boy. He’s a fashionista, very into make-up. His friends are all girls and he won’t touch sports with a 10 foot pole. And honestly, who cares? He’s happy and staying out of trouble, I think that’s all that matters.
Michael’s mother Daniella does not like a lot of Michael’s interests. She doesn’t say it outright but she does say some passive aggressive things like how Michael shouldn’t have so many female friends at his age or criticizing me for supporting his more “feminine” interests.
Like I mentioned earlier, Michael just turned 12. Daniella used to throw a party inviting Michael’s class but Michael just finished 6th grade, so that isn’t an option anymore like it was in elementary school.
Michael told me that he wanted to go see the Barbie movie with his friends but that his mom kept insisting against it so he told her that he didn’t want a birthday party anymore. I know I may be an asshole for this, but I took Michael and his friends and deliberately didn’t tell Daniella about it.
Michael and his friends all had a blast. Like I mentioned earlier, Michael is very into make-up, so for his main present, I got him a Sephora gift card since he loves to go there and I know I probably wouldn’t pick out the right thing.
Daniella ended up calling me a few days ago because she saw the Sephora gift card after Michael pulled out his wallet for something. Michael was honest about the movie birthday and gift card when Daniella asked him about it.
Daniella said we’re supposed to be a team in parenting Michael, and accused me of “sending mixed messages” as a way to spite her by making things with Michael harder for her. She ended up getting family members and even a few of our mutual friends involved, and most of them are not on my side.
They said there’s nothing wrong with Daniella wanting Michael to “branch out” with more “masculine” interests and they were concerned as Michael has had issues with kids at school wanting to be stupid and even occasional adults wanting to make immature comments.
Anytime I hear about a bullying issue, I talk to Michael’s school and have it shut down. I haven’t heard about any issues from Michael in a while. I’ve always told Michael that if he’s honest to himself then he’ll meet good people and find his place.
These friends and family members accused me of “living in Fantasyland” because as much as we say to just be yourself and ignore bullies, Michael’s starting 7th grade, and bullying will only get worse as the kids become older and stronger, and I am failing to prepare Michael for a professional world that will not be as open-minded. AITA?