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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Educational_Earth_62 on 2023-08-01 21:29:35.

Got a CT to assess suspected spinal damage. CT picks up a mass on my ovary, instead.

Doctor orders ultrasound.

Tech had a great poker face but uh… one side did NOT look like the other. Not even close. One was 2-3x bigger than the other, had “spots” and it was shaped like a kidney, kinda. (It was not my kidney.) There was a lot of shadowing around it, too. About 25 minutes were spent just measuring and getting imaging of whatever that was.

Fine. This actually explains a number of things I hope to resolve.

Also, far easier to treat than a degrading spine. Yay!

I ask the tech to please note I’m aware the doctor usually wants to have a sit down conversation when it comes to results like this but I saw the screen myself and I’m perfectly fine getting that shit and anything else up in there yeeted.

Just please call ASAP because I’m approaching my insurance cap for the year and need to make plans now. She notes it.

Then I fucked up.

I googled roughly what I thought it looked like.

Don’t ever do that. For a number of obvious reasons.

Anyhoo, I now know that some types of ovarian tumours can grow hair and teeth.

HAIR AND TEETH!!???!

What in the dentai fucking shit is this?!? Nope nope nope!

So… do I wait for the doctor to call me back or shall I just glue a scalpel to a shop vac right here and now?