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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/bassplayerchris on 2023-08-01 12:23:53.
I (36M) am a musician in a pretty popular cover band in my city. I am also skinny at 6ft 130lbs (this is relevant). One of the venues we play regularly has a server, we’ll call her “Cassie” (mid 20’sF), who’s working most dates we play there. She’s cool, and we’ve been semi-friends since I joined the band about two and a half years ago. We do joke around with each other and take part in non-flirty, witty banter and telling jokes or funny stories.
Over the last 6 months she’s referred to me as ‘Scrawny’ on three separate occasions. One of those occasions was when I injured my ankle while loading in at that venue and it was significantly swollen by the end of the night. I was sitting down, looking at my ankle when she walked by and I asked her if my ankle looked swollen to her. She didn’t really look and just said “I can’t tell, you’re so scrawny!”
Now this past Saturday, as we finished with the gig and were loading out, I was walking in her direction as she was walking towards me. When she got close I did one of those fake-lunging motions at her to make her flinch and I really scared her. She kinda yelped, laughed, then walked up to the husband of one of the band members, who’s also a good friend of mine, and gestured towards me saying “That scrawny bitch over there almost made me pee my pants!”
Granted, I may be the AH for scaring her like that, but believe me, we both partake in little pranks like that on each other. So when she was nearby shortly after that, I asked her in a no-attitude and non confrontational way “Hey, why do you keep referring to me as scrawny?” Her response: “Well that’s because you ARE scrawny!” I said: “Well its not MY fault you’re fatter than me!”
Yes, I purposefully said that, knowing damn well how that sounds. No, she isn’t fat. AT ALL. Not that it really matters. But since it had been the third time she’s used that term on me, unprovoked until this most recent time, I figured it was kinda the time to retaliate.
Once I said what I said, her face dropped and she responded with “You rephrase that RIGHT now!” I said: “Uhh, no.” She walked away.
instead of continuing with how we resolved this, I figured I would just leave it as is and ask AITA? Most people , including my girlfriend, I’ve told are on the fence and I’ve kinda lost sleep over this; I am NOT this kind of person, but sometimes I can go too far when I think I’m sticking up for myself.