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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Dry_Doughnut_9652 on 2023-08-01 13:20:37.

Throwaway because this is already humiliating enough…

Some background: Had squamous cell carcinoma of the tongue twice in my early 20s

2nd occurrence required major surgery & 80+ treatments of radiation/chemo

It’s been 17 years that I’ve been cancer free but the scars & side effects will be with me forever.

One of those is that I no longer have any tongue dexterity. That means I cannot lick an ice cream cone, French kiss or perform cunnilingus in the traditional ways.

Until this point, this hasn’t been an issue. I’ve been with my fiancé since 2019 & we’ve lived together since pre-covid 2020 (we survived covid lockdown together).

I love her very much & we have built a beautiful life together (or so I thought)

One side effect of the radiation is that I have constant dry mouth which causes dental issues (my dental hygiene is next level, floss, WaterPik, the works). I was having some mouth pain& I asked my fiancé to check something for me, her response “wow, your mouth is so gross”.

This hurt my feelings so bad. My scars, the way I speak (slurred, after much speech therapy), these are massive sources of insecurity for me.

Then a few weeks later she told me “I miss kissing”, meaning she missed French kissing which I cannot do in the traditional sense (can’t stick my tongue out that far). In previous relationships my partner would have to stick their tongue out further in order for our tongues to touch (my fiancé has done this too at times). She referred to this as kissing “for real”.

I found this so devastating & my feelings were so hurt. I expressed to her that this hurt my feelings and that I didn’t know what she wanted me to do.

She said “I’m just being honest”. I reframed this for her as if a woman had had a double mastectomy & her male partner said “I miss playing with tits”, he would be eviscerated for being so insensitive & selfish.

I thought our sex life was really good (she’s said so herself) but after mentioning how hurt I was about this she’s gotten incredibly angry with me for “making her feel like she’s a bad person”. So much so she’s asked for a break (after almost 4 years).

Am I being too sensitive & she’s just being honest with me about something I cannot give her (in the traditional sense, I’m always willing to work to find something that works for us)

AITA for expressing that her saying my mouth is gross and she misses kissing really hurt my feelings?