This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/bullythrowaway_123 on 2023-08-01 09:34:29.
In middle school, there was this kid who wore all black, and his last name was pretty close to the word “vampire” so you can imagine what we all called him. He clearly had some issues relating to other people, and his way of dealing with it was to be a sort of prickly personality.
One day, my parents got a call from our school principal. This kid’s mom had called the school to complain about the incessant bullying that her son was dealing with, and he pointed me out specifically as the ring leader. She said that he cried everyday before school and asked her not to take him. She also said that he prayed to God everyday that me and the rest of the kids would stop making fun of him.
The weird part is that I had no idea at all that I was this kid’s bully. I was abused a lot growing up, and I was very sheltered. I was also watching a lot of Saved by the Bell back them. I never really new how to be a person, so I had always patterned myself around tv shows and movies along with whatever my mom wanted me to be like at any given time. The cool guy in the show always makes fun of Screech, and I desperately wanted to be the cool guy.
I pretty much just made fun of the kid all the time just like Zach did to Screech. I guess it made me feel cool and gave me a tiny sliver of power in an otherwise powerless existence. I stopped after the phone call and after realizing what I was really doing, but the damage was already done.
I hit a breaking point with my birth family in my 30s, had a whole mental breakdown, and eventually started some pretty intense trauma therapy (EMDR + CBT + IFS) and have been going weekly without fail for 5+ years.
I understand things a lot better now. I have been NC with my toxic family for years, and I am a much different person than I was back then. I’m actually very chill, quite nerdy, and I spend a lot of my time and energy trying to help kids who are in similar tough situations.
I think about this kid a lot, about what it was like for him dealing with that kind of anxiety and ridicule everyday. I still to this day can’t believe I did what I did.
On a whim, I googled his name today and was surprised to find his address and phone number pretty quickly. I’m not on social media, and I guess I never thought it would be so easy to find this guy’s info.
If you were him, would you be pissed if your old bully called you to apologize and explain himself? Or would it be a positive thing for you? He might just tell me to fuck off and die, but if that is cathartic for him then I’ll take it. WIBTA if I tried to contact him and apologize?
edit: for anyone looking for more context, I added a spoiler tagged response in one of the comments. I’ll shutup now. Thank you all for the input, good and bad.