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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/HumbleBrother2285 on 2023-07-31 23:03:21.
So I’m (F19) nonbinary but I don’t think this is a gender identity thing. I don’t feel dysphoria towards my body (even though I tend to feel dysphoria at labels like “daughter, woman, she/her, etc”). I consider myself pretty gender neutral but I wouldn’t want to change my body in any way and I love how I look.
However, often times I really resent the things that come with the female body. I’m not even talking about periods but more so about how I feel it is viewed in society, especially by men. Over the past few years, as I’ve aged out of my teen years and into adulthood, I’ve grown more and more aware of the views that men have towards women/female people. I’m thankful to have pretty great men in my life, but online I’m constantly witnessing misogynistic interactions, “traditional men,” and men who just very obviously generally resent women - especially the sexually liberated ones.
I guess this is probably a “well duh” moment, but the MAIN thing that really depresses me is the seemingly prevalent notion that sex is something done to a woman. I feel like this idea is present even among really progressive people, even sex-positive people. I don’t like it at all. As someone with a cis male partner, I don’t want to think of sex as me “getting fucked/railed/pounded,” I don’t want to think of it as some sort of submissive or vulnerable position for me.
It makes me feel disgusted and violated to think that there’s a possibility that that’s how our friends and peers think of me or any other sexually active woman (not that they have given any indication of it, but I just can’t help but assume that’s how everyone sees me now that I have a boyfriend. Like his sex object or something). It’s just gross. It makes me feel so… violated is the only way I can put it. I don’t like how porn has normalized the idea that a submissive position is the default for a woman and that anything else is “kinky” or “nontraditional.” I’m not against kink at all, but it bothers me how so much of porn and media in general always skews towards the woman being the submissive one, the one subject to things like choking/bondage/slapping/domination. These things aren’t bad if both parties enjoy them, but I’d feel much more comfortable even thinking about them if they were presented as “just something people do during sex that anyone can like” rather than “things girls like to make them feel used in bed.”
I think the part that hurts the most is the fact that I feel like people see even vanilla sex as inherently dominating for the man. I feel like people see penetration as an inherently dominating act and that the only way for a woman to break out of that is to rely on a tool outside her own body to help her “dominate” the man. I know this isn’t true of course, I don’t believe that penetration or pegging are inherently dominant OR submissive, but I absolutely resent the fact that most people probably disagree.
I am by nature a very open and honest person, and I don’t feel uncomfortable talking about sex with my friends. I love talking about anything with pretty much no limits, but lately I have been finding myself feeling incredibly hesitant to talk about this stuff, feeling resentful that maybe my male friends will see me as someone who “gets fucked” rather than just a person who feels attraction and likes touching my partner’s body (to me that’s all it is! Why can’t others see it that way?).
I’m definitely too young to be thinking about this, but I’ve even started feeling resentment at marriages, weddings, and pregnancies. I actually want to get married one day, I’d love to have a wedding, and I’d even love to get pregnant and have kids one day! But for some reason lately I have just been feeling so much disgust even at these things, thinking that they still would, to some degree, degrade me or put me in a position lower than men (maybe not inherently, but probably would be seen that way). Even if that might be paranoid, I resent the idea of my whole body changing and distorting, going through a terrifying procedure only for the kids to have the man’s last name. It feels so submissive and womanly to me, as much as I hate to say it, and I absolutely resent it. There are times where I feel so bitter and even resent the idea of having sex with my partner even though he hasn’t done anything.