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The original was posted on /r/cfb by /u/shmilling on 2024-08-26 14:00:55+00:00.

We were welcomed to a new season with one hell of an opening game. While the Sticker King played in the pool FSU was reminded why you don’t play GT in Ireland, on opening day, while you are in the midst of litigation to leave your conference. However, it’s not over for the Seminoles. While these stickers were placed before the game and bets were placed before Saturday’s upset, the sticker king has foresight, he looks at the long term, he would never eat three bowls of ice cream at his grandmother’s and have explosive diarrhea at home in his pull up, which is why FSU will beat Boston College in the real week 1. After all week zero is made up and the games don’t matter.

At home we’ve been working on not keeping secrets so I was pleased he shared one with me while he was putting stickers on our week 1 sheet. He looked me dead in the eye and word for word, hand to my heart, said, “Dad, I’m concerned for the future of College Football. Players should be compensated for their work, but the consolidation of money and power by those at the top leads me to believe that when I go to college this sport will be a shell of what it was when I was born. When Notre Dame joins a conference you’ll know that it’s the start of an entirely new era in CFB” he then picked ND to beat the spread—wise and depressing words from the mouth of a babe.

Anyways you degenerates, here are the picks for the week! Link if you want it.If you want to pick next week’s games fill out the form 1 or 100 times I don’t care.

Troy v. Nevada [ Troy -13.50, Over 47.5]: Troy is fortunate to have film on Nevada after the SMU game. The sticker king picked Troy to beat the spread and both teams to hit the over. The over seems doable but we’ll see about the spread.

Maryland v UConn [Uconn +20.5, Over 45.5]: Uconn will try and keep it close with Maryland. Rumors are they are in talks with the Big XII so consider this part of this season’s audition. The Big XII needs to give CFB what they want and make the Civil ConFLiCT a conference game.

Florida v. Miami (FL) [UF +2.5]: Is Miami good or are the Florida Gators bad, are both teams good? I guarantee you we will still won’t have a clear answer at the end of this game.

Alabama v. WKU [Alabama -30.5, Under 60.5]: Alabama will win but maintain the under. iI an impressive yet classic defensive performance Alabama beats the spread but slows down enough to keep the game under 60 points.

GT v. Georgia State [Over 57.5]: GT is hyped up after beating FSU. No prediction on the spread but GT hits the over. Probably like 222-7 letting Georgia State score once so the record still stands.

Texas A&M v. Notre Dame [Notre Dame +2.5, Under 45.5]: The march to the playoff begins for ND. The march to beat Texas and still not make the SEC championship game begins for Texas A&M.

FSU v. BC [FSU ML]: FSU, to the chagrin of the ACC, wins.

MSU v. FAU [MSU ML]: The Spartans beat the Owls. The first of three Avian mascots they face this year. If my quick review of their historical schedule is correct. The last time they beat an avian mascot was in 2017, this will feel good to a recently maligned MSU.

Charlotte v. JMU [JMU ML]: JMU represents the sunbelt and opens up the season swinging with a win letting the AAC know that with realignment there are other contenders for best G5 conference.

Rice v. Sam Houston [Sam Houston ML]: This is the money maker folks. Sam Houston played in quite a few close games last year. They start winning them now. The Sticker King demands it.

He’s found me writing this so a special note from the sticker king himself: great oopklllllooool, mnbffdxsPookpoopooooooolo

*p.s. If you are worried about my son’s well-being this is not his actual college fund. I am using my “fun” money that would be used on some other stupid hobby. If you are concerned about the image this is creating, he is three and cannot read. From his perspective, we are just having some quality time putting stickers on numbers.

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