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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/No-Understanding1460 on 2023-07-31 18:37:52.
My friend has the “high” standard of not wanting to date a guy that still lives with his parents. To be honest I had that standard too so I might be biased. Unfortunately we live in a place where it’s super common for people to live with their parents well into adulthood.
Her standard isn’t even really about whether or not he lives with his parents. That’s just an easy way to gauge his level of independence. She moved out at 18 to attend college on an entirely different continent and just never moved back. Regardless of what people say there are some things you learn and some experiences you only get from living and navigating the world on your own. Is it that much of a high standard to want someone who’s had similar experiences and can really relate?
So. Many. Guys. Get so incredibly upset when they learn about her standard. Every time she says something about her bad dating experiences she’s just hit with excuses for the guy and demands that she be the one to compromise.
For example:
Guy has lived his entire life with a domestic helper (a very low paid live-in-maid) so he’s never done any house chores. But she needs to just accept that because it’s “normal” here, or she needs to teach the guy how to do chores, or she needs to hire one in the future. Why can’t he just do the chores?
Guy has to sneak her into his room while his parents are gone. She refuses because it feels disrespectful and she doesn’t want to feel like a dirty secret but apparently that’s unreasonable because his parents are “old fashioned”
Plus she doesn’t want to get into a relationship with a guy who moves from his mother’s home directly to hers. She’s heard enough horror stories of guys who don’t pull their weight. I think that’s fair.
While I get that housing is getting more and more expensive now, it’s still not impossible to rent a place with roommates or something. There’s this mentality that because she’s in a place where it’s culturally normal to live with your parents, she HAS to change her standards. But I don’t see why she needs to. Yes, her dating pool shrinks but she’s not bothered by that. If she’s not bothered by that why are so many guys that bothered? The guys can just find someone else to date just like she will. What’s the problem?