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The original was posted on /r/cfb by /u/Zloggt on 2024-08-21 15:00:07+00:00.

A tradition unlike any other.

I must give credit, first to /u/ballzxxtoxxyou, for starting (and,for the longest time, maintaining) these threads; and second to /u/MC-PhatNeck, who decided to help revive WLIIW after months of inactivity. I’m not sure where they are now (especially the latter, who apparently has deleted their account many moons ago), but regardless, I wish to give them both my appreciation for all the fun /r/CFB had with Whose Line over the years. Thank you very much!

Hello! Welcome back to Whose Line Is It Wednesday, where the upvotes don’t matter! I am your beach-bumming, still summer-moding, offseason-slacking host, /u/Zloggt!

The year is 205X. After a long week of cyberwork for AmazonMartExpress+, I finally get the chance to sit down and watch some college football! Well, what’s left of it, after the endless wars and economic downturns led to, uh, changes, to put it lightly. Having saved up for the occassion for the past month, I inserted the bitcoin into my AppleSamsungSonic Ultra69K Virtual Television, and was therefore granted access to my ESPNFoxTube+ account, to catch up on my favorite teams. Of which there are not too many, as the great FBS and FDS split of ‘41 saw many a team from the last two conferences, formerly known as the Big Ten and SEC, leave their brethen behind and essentially become the NFL Lite. No, really! Goodell (or, well, his mind and spirit uploaded to a giant, stadium-sized computer) actually drove this move, and now the FDS is, quite frankly, the equivalent of Triple-A baseball - right down to the point where players move up and down teams in the farm system!

Awaiting the kickoff while the stream of advertisments gets instanteously zapped right into my brain via the neural connector I need to have on in order to keep my television on (naturally), I crunch on a few more soylent-green-and-bug crackers, and reach to take a sip of my glass of vintage 2007 Miller High Life, looking out my 6’x6’ window to see the fall colors. Not that there is much colors where I am these days, since the weather has gotten warmer and warmer to the point where the trees are green even just weeks away from the holidays. Oh well, it’s what it is, and now the neural connector zaps my attention back to the screen, where I see my favorite announcers, Collinsworth the IV, and Brady the III, discuss the matchup of the WaltWarnerMount USC Trojans and the Chick-Fil-Cola Georgia Bulldogs that is soon to start.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I still get excited every Saturday my benevolent megacorporate overlords give me the chance to watch my favorite game, yet I still ponder about how things used to be. Back before the FDS. When teams represented the smaller nooks and crannies of the country that big leagues oft overlooked. When gamedays were more motivated by tradition and geography, rather than cold hard cash. When Saturday afternoons had that crisp, yet comforting bite of chilled air and deciduous flora.

I know it’s not really helpful to complain, and that being stuck in the past can hold you back real bad, but alas, I can’t stop to think that, in some nagging part of my brain, that college football has fallen, and now billions must…

…hey, wait just a darn minute! What the heck am I doing here doomposting? Oh ho ho, silly ol’ me, this ain’t no time to do so! I have plenty of chances to doompost later this fall, uh doy! So let us move past this folly of fearful pessimism, and focus on some more interesting topics…like, hey…the freaking (unofficial) start of the 2024 season!

Since this is the first time we’re doing this in quite a while, let’s go over some rules:

Any game from the show can be used. Here is a list of the games:

Keep skits in the form of a statement, not a question. For example, a skit should like this: “Things you could say about ESPN, but not your girlfriend”, to which a reply can go like “you let the whole South go to town on you”, or “How much did your boss pay you to say that”, or anything else, really! You got an imagination, use it!

Although not that serious, most comments should be within two lines, so if you add any additional commentary, put the skit in quotations. And most importantly, if you still don’t understand how it works (and that’s fine!), just take a look around this thread, of past Whose Line threads to get some clues - and, hopefully, figure it out.

Have fun!