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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Upbeat_Ad1162 on 2023-07-31 10:55:56.
I don’t know where to begin so I will start with where my mind is at right now. Two years back, I met someone and we fell in love. 1.5 years into our relationship, things were not really going well for us, and we mutually decided to call it quits. It broke my heart to do it, but I did it anyway. That was exactly a year and two days ago from now.
The next few months after the breakup felt like a blur. I was functioning on autopilot and there have been days when I went to office and started crying on my desk. It also didn’t help at all that his house, or our previous house was literally walking distance from my place of work.
But as is with everything, time started helping me heal. I started getting out of bed without feeling like the world is crumbling all around me, I started meeting my friends again, I was happy.
Earlier this year, in February, I get a message from this girl out of nowhere saying that she always wishes I get all the happiness in this world. It was quite weird so I go to her profile and see one whole highlight dedicated to my ex, various pictures of them together. It was clear from the posts, pictures, and the highlights that they were together.
I delved a little deeper into it and I see that they met when he went on a vacation to ‘clear his mind’ when we were going through a rough patch. At first, I was in disbelief. During the last 3-4 months of our relationship, I won’t say that he was the world’s best boyfriend or anything, but he was not bad either. I would’ve never imagined that he would cheat on me. Especially since it was him who kept saying he is a man of his words and he will never falter from it. Mind you, this is the same man who told me he will always come talk to me when something bothers him.
Ever since I have gotten to know that I have been cheated on, I have been plagued by a particular kind of nightmare. And it is a recurring one. I get the same nightmare a few times every month. In that, I see him talking to me, telling me how happy he is with this current girl. And every time, I ask him in tears that why did he not put in any effort for us. Why did he give up so soon? What is it that I did wrong that he went and cheated on me? And every time, he looks at me and shrugs, saying that he didn’t feel like it.
This is what the nightmare is. Every single time I have this nightmare, this exact same scenario plays out. And I cannot begin to even explain the overwhelming sense of sadness that overtakes me.
I don’t want to get back with my ex. I don’t have any bad feelings for him, well, not anymore anyway. All I want is to stop having these nightmares. I can feel my heart breaking all over again in the dreams and after I wake up, and I don’t know how long I can go on like this.
So, if any of you have any insights or advise related to how I can tackle this situation, please help me out.