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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/AccioDawn on 2023-07-30 20:56:19.
I’m generally a sweet person and this is how I’ve made and maintained a lot of connections in my life. This came with a long history of people pleasing that I have been working so hard to break from. As I’ve learned to ask for my needs and object to things I don’t like, a lot of my friendships have changed and so has my dating experience.
Men are quick to point out that I’m really sweet and easy to talk to. However, when I set a boundary and/or ask them for some of my needs, I’ve been met with objections that I am too assertive. They want the tender and sweet version of me back. Are my needs too much? I don’t know.
With the last dude I dated I decided to allow him to express his perspective on it as he kept asking me to speak more gently and kindly. When I told him I’m disappointed we hadn’t spoken all day he saw that as an argument. When I asked him if there’s anything wrong between us because he was becoming more withdrawn he said I was accusatory. When I asked him to stop teasing me hurtfully (he called me trash, mocked my voice and facial expressions) he said he doesn’t want to have to control himself this much around me.
Maybe I’m dating the wrong men. I tried so damn hard to express myself extremely carefully with the last dude. Eventually though I realized his issue wasn’t how I brought up things, but the fact that I brought up issues at all. I’m tired, ladies. I’m tired because I feel like I have to water myself down and just be sweet to match their projected idea of me/what their female partner needs to be.