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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Most_Cat_5022 on 2023-07-30 18:48:31.
For the past 7 years, my husband 43M and I 37F have been trying to have children, but we’ve been unsuccessful as we’ve went to specialist and have been assured that we can’t have children. Our hearts were broken and since then, we’ve wanted nothing less than to become parents and have something to call our own.
Last year, we decided we would volunteer helping at foster homes and helping the youth and young adults that were struggling with homelessness. While doing this, we met our sons birth mother (A) 19F. She was pregnant and struggling with homelessness and we offered to take her in, help her with maternity clothes, healthcare, transportation with doctors appointments etc. She took us up on our offer and moved in, and thats when she began telling us that her child’s father wasn’t in the picture and she had no way to provide for him. She didn’t know what she was going to do and had no job or way of caring for him. She was 20 weeks pregnant around this time.
As our bond grew, we told her our struggles with having a child of our own and told her that it would mean the world to us to have a child as we are financially stable and a loving family. We offered to adopt him and have her be a sister figure to him, we told her that this was completely her decision and that we would support whatever she wanted. After a few weeks, she told us that she wanted us to adopt him once she gave birth and we agreed to an open adoption. We thanked her, and we supported her in every way she needed and she also had her own room in our home.
Fast forward, she gave birth to our son, Aiden. I was there for the birth and our bond was unexplainable. Shortly after, the next morning she signed off the adoption papers and terminated her rights. We then took him home along with her. About 2 weeks after his birth, she began becoming very clingy with our son. We explained that he was ours and she was welcome to help with him, but he was my son and I would make all decisions regarding him. This upset her, and she felt hurt, so we ultimately decided to ask her to move out and once the adoption was finalized, we haven’t had any contact with her since. We decided to close the adoption and we asked her not to contact us any further.
His birth mother thinks I’m the AH, and accuses me of manipulating her with false pretenses however this is not true and aiden is our son and I am his mother so I have to do what’s best for him. Aita?