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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Askingforafriend2278 on 2023-07-30 16:28:00.
Hello. I am a single mother (43) of two kids 18f and 14m. Their fathers are not in the picture.
Recently I was contacted by my exBIL (40?). He told me that when he was married to my sister (38) he had started college funds for my kids. They separated, but he still wanted to give the money for my children. It’s not full ride amount, but it will mean my daughter won’t have to work during college unless she wants spending money, and it’s more that me or my parents can give her.
Obviously I was overjoyed at this… but i asked him not to tell anyone because my sister has grown quite bitter about their divorce. I’m not really sure what went down, but afaik they had separate finances, so I don’t think it would be due to money reasons.
When I told my family we had received a donation to my daughters college fund everyone was overjoyed… but also really suspicious, because there are times in the last few years that money would have really helped. Someone in my family started the “joke” that I got this from my boss for “favours”. It’s not true, but my sister and brother won’t let it go. “Let’s get takeout tonight, hey, X, go sleep with your boss and get it”. I’m not doing a good job of explaining it but its really quite hurtful to have my family saying these things, even as jokes.
I’m considering telling them BIL is the one behind it. It will stop them insisting on knowing the source, but it might hurt my sister to know he helped us. I can’t really ask people for advice without it leaking out. I have only told 1 girl from work and she suggested here for some anonymous opinions.