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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Due-Respect9931 on 2023-07-30 04:37:08.
Hello Reddit,
I (33F) have been married to my husband (32M) for three years. I apologize for the long post. When I met him, he was suffering from a back injury. Around two weeks after we met, the back injury became worse, and he went on unemployment. For roughly six months I drove to see him since he was unable to drive. I was fortunate to have a job with a flexible schedule that allowed me to make my own hours. His doctors told him he would need intensive physical therapy. Since one of the best therapists in our area is about five minutes from my house that I own. I offered my spare room, charged him rent, and drove him to his therapy appointments three times a week for the next six months.
He was able to return to work, but held jobs for short periods of time before his back would flare up or he would find out the job wasn’t for him. I continued to support the household as the partner making more. While I continued to charge him rent, I paid for food, trips, car expenses, and often his phone bill. Since I had helped him with his resume early on, I knew that he had a strong work history before the back injury. I wanted him to be able to get back on his feet. He has missed rent twice before this incident.
This summer we planned a trip to the beach with his family. I had visited this beach many times as a child. I offered to pay for the vacation when he said he couldn’t afford it (I very much wanted to go and would have got a hotel if I went solo), but he paid part of the deposit. We went. To put it in context, I spent roughly 2500 on the vacation and he spent 1200. We drove the ten hours using my car. He expressed concerns about not being able to afford it leading up to the trip. I continued to offer to pay. He continued to turn it down.
Upon returning from the trip, he failed to pay rent and let me know two weeks after it was due. He demanded an apology from me for not respecting his no which caused the financial strain and the argument became heated. He then demanded that we ignore each other for two weeks (I have a tendency to try to talk things out and he wants space). I said i would like him to stay somewhere else for that time. I said I couldn’t force him to leave, but I can’t leave since I have pets and other tenants (I have stayed at my moms for a day or two in the past) He explained that he wouldn’t leave no matter what without police and can’t pay rent for the next few months.
I sent him a notice to quit and offered to reimburse the 1200. So, am I the asshole?
EDIT: I am trying hard to answer all the questions! Thank you everyone for your judgments so far. Just to add some info. I make 400 a week. He makes about 500. He does not want to share a room and has stayed in the spare room since he moved in
EDIT2: I am answering as many as I can that contain questions. Thank you all so much for helping me and sharing your stories.
EDIT3: Thank you all! My responses might slow down because I am very tired, but you all gave me such incredible insight and perspective. I can’t stay thank you enough. I can always do better and no matter how this turns out I’ll remember all the kind words and straightforward YTAs (the fact that you took the time to respond is kind no matter what the content was).