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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/clocloclo619 on 2023-07-30 06:02:23.
So I (25F) was raised in the evangelical church, and was brought up in “Purity Culture”. To put it simply, sex before marriage was the worst sin possible, we were told to dress modestly as to not to cause boys to “stumble”, and a woman’s entire goal was to get married and become a good wife and mother. I came out as queer and left the church during university, and met my partner and now fiancé a few years later. Sex is a normal and wonderful part of our relationship. It took a lot of work to not feel like I was a terrible person every time I had sex, due to the purity culture crap, but I’m in a great place now.
So onto the wedding shower. A friend and I are getting married about a month apart. She’s still involved in the church, and I love her dearly! Everyone has the right to practice their faith and religion the way they want. However, a big part of wedding culture in the church I’m from is the underlying understanding that this will be the FIRST TIME the couple will be having sex. OoOoOooOoh. So “lingerie showers” are often a part of the festivities. Friends buy the bride-to-be lingerie for her future sex life, and the married women at the shower are exalted as these all knowing sex goddesses because they are married and did things the “proper” way. I know I will be the only person at this shower who has had pre-marital sex, and I am dreading it. Not because I feel guilty, but because I know I’ll: A. Have to keep my mouth shut the entire time and pretend like I’ve never had sex and giggle at all the panties with the other unmarried women. B. End up saying something that makes everyone there see me as a sex-crazed heathen.
Am I the asshole for not wanting to go to this wedding shower? Even though I love my friend and want to celebrate her?