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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/YellowSockMonkey on 2023-07-30 01:12:24.

Alt account because I don’t want my friends to see this. I (29F) started a small online book club for book lovers in my city about a year ago. I know it sounds a little nerdy but it’s not like that, we’re all just some girls who like to read and share our thoughts, especially on historical fiction. Well I’ve been seeing a lot of those book balls on tiktok recently where people throw huge parties where everyone dresses up extravagantly in ball gowns and those intricate masks and parasols and whatnot and thought it looked super fun, only there weren’t any being held anywhere near me so I decided to hold an intimate one with the girls from my book club. There are about a dozen of us and we’ve met up multiple times so we’re all good friends. One of these girls is a close friend of mine, I’ll call her Sam (29F) and she does not like to dress up at all. She’s always in sweats or athletic clothes, never does her makeup or hair, just doesn’t really care about her appearance even for formal events, I remember she skipped our prom and wore jeans to our ceremony, which is fine, she’s a beautiful girl. But I didn’t want that at my ball, so I didn’t invite her. I sent out beautiful invites that I spent a good chunk of money for, rented out a small hall that fit my budget, catered, and only asked my friends to pitch in about $20 each to cover some costs. Everyone bought beautiful extravagant gowns and accessories and I got even more excited. Well eventually word somehow made it to Sam and she asked me about the event. She asked if I was really hosting an event for the book club and not inviting her and after hesitating I said yes but only because I know she would never wear a ball gown or put effort into looking good. She said she was upset that I wouldn’t want her there even if she wore her regular clothes and I told her that that’s not fair, that I put in all of this effort for a beautiful event where everyone can be a little extra for one day and I didn’t want her to ruin the aesthetic. She hasn’t spoken to me since then and the ball was two days ago (a success btw- everyone looked amazing). Am I the a**hole for not inviting her because she would ruin the event?