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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/AmIGreedy12 on 2023-07-29 06:25:31.
My mother died about 2 months ago. She didn’t leave behind much other than a paid for house (worth about $180K) and a little money in the bank. Mom announced a couple of years ago that she intended to leave her house to my sister Sara who takes care of her severely disabled son full-time. Mom said that she wanted to make sure they had a roof over their heads and the rest of her kids could make it on their own. Sara does struggle a lot and has said many times that she wouldn’t have been able to make it without Mom.
When Mom died she had some bills outstanding, but her biggest debt was that she owed me $37K. I had loaned her the money so that she could fix her plumbing and septic system, as well as making the house more handicapped friendly for Sara and Jeremy. Mom had been paying me back every month. I have paperwork proving the money is owed.
Here is the problem. If I file a claim against her estate like any other creditor would do, my brother John (Mom’s executor) will have no choice but to pay it. But to do so – he will have to sell the house since there isn’t money in the estate to pay it any other way. Which means that Sara and Jeremy will have to find a different place to live. I know Mom wanted Sara to have the house. There is also the issue that Mom’s will said Sara got the house, but any money in the estate would be split evenly between the other 4 of us. So technically we think that means Sara wouldn’t actually get anything (John is talking to a lawyer to make sure he is reading that right). Sara is also concerned that if she did get a large amount of money (John and I have both said we would give her whatever we got from the house if it does get sold) – that it could interfere with the help she gets from the government.
John and Sara are both pushing me to not file a claim against the estate. But if I don’t – then the loan basically goes away. Sara has said that she will pay it back to me and would even sign a new loan. The trouble is that I don’t believe her. She has borrowed money before and never paid it back – not because she doesn’t want to, but because she can’t afford to. She struggled with money living with Mom – so it is going to be even worse for her without Mom paying bills in the house as well. If I don’t file a claim – I will be out $37K – and that is far more than I want to hand over as a gift – even to my sister.
I’ve told John and Sara that I am officially filing a claim on Monday morning. They are both calling me a greedy asshole and telling me that I am ignoring what Mom wanted. I think it’s unreasonable to expect me to just forget $37K. AITA?