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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Ok-Firefighter-8247 on 2023-07-28 21:23:27.
Sandra has been married to my dad since I (26m) was 7. My mom died only 18 months before they got married and Sandra offered to adopt me once, but I said no. I had only known her for about 9 months. From the beginning I got the vibe she hated the fact dad had been married before. I found out later what she hated was he had a son already. She’s very old school and believes men deserve to have sons so they can have their family name carried on. She also has this outdated idea that a son is needed to carry on any family business. She had three girls with my dad and her jealousy of my mom intensified. Over the years I lived with her and my dad she made some of the shittiest comments about my mom when dad’s back was turned. He was so shut off from me after mom died that I didn’t tell him about them at first and when I did finally, it was too late, he knew I hated Sandra and accused me of trying to break them up.
I have almost nothing to do with them now. Sandra isn’t too sorry about it. Before I moved out she told me we could have been good if I had just let her claim me as her own and let her have the joy of giving her husband a son, but I stayed faithful to some immoral whore who died when I was hardly out of infanthood. She said I was clearly as immoral as my mother. I told her she was an evil cunt for being so jealous of a dead woman. I also told her that she wasn’t worth the tip of my mom’s pinky and she’d have to live with the fact she was never dad’s first choice. I also threw in her face the fact that he would visit my mom’s grave in secret, the fact dad slipped and called her mom’s name once or twice, and I also told her to enjoy her weird shame, because she was deeply ashamed that she never gave him a son. She felt everyone was mocking her or something.
My dad tried to reconcile with me but it was too late for me. The first time was 3 or 4 years ago and then last year when he and Sandra’s oldest died. I never kept in touch with anyone so I only realized what had happened when dad explained why he was trying to reconcile. Then a couple of months ago he found out I was going to be a father and asked if he could be a granddad if not a dad. I told him no. Then Sandra shows up and I don’t know what she was expecting or how she tracked me down. But she showed up at my door and wanted to know how I could deny my dad a grandson, how I could deny them a grandson. She told me it was the least I could do for shaming her. Instead of shutting the door in her face I threw in her face that she’d never have grandchildren or that song she longed for. She does have two living daughters. But both are severely special needs and will never be able to live independent lives. I knew it was a low blow. She stormed off close to tears.
My wife’s parents were here at the time and despite knowing the history they think I was too hard on her. Dad accused me of being a cruel asshole to his wife. He said to take my anger out on him not her.
AITA?