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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/DoneWithDD on 2023-07-28 15:33:49.
I (F) have 3 friends from college, Maisy, Tom, and Neela. We’re all mid-30s now. We usually get together once a month to have dinner despite work and family obligations (virtually during the global event). Six months ago, I had to stand up to everyone about splitting the bill evenly because everyone else orders and eats appetizers and desserts, and everyone else drink copious amounts of alcohol every time we get together. I typically eat a main and drink water. I started checking menus in advance and only bringing enough cash to cover my bill plus tip and would “forget” my card at home and eventually sternly told them that I was no longer willing to pay an additional $50-$100 every time we went out to cover their appetizers, desserts, and drinking habits.
Well, they all decided because I wasn’t drinking anything but water, I should be the DD, which I initially agreed to because I was just happy that they eventually stopped arguing with me about splitting the bill. But at the time I told them sternly if any of them ever threw up in my car, that would be the end of it.
Last month, Tom nearly threw up in my car. The only reason he didn’t is because I pulled over and pulled him out of the car and onto the pavement instead. I sent a group text the next morning stating that I was no longer going to DD, and everyone complained that Tom only ALMOST threw up in my car. I again refused and told them that next month, they either had to limit their drinking so they could drive, or they had to find their own ride.
Last weekend, I reminded everyone I wasn’t driving anyone home. No one limited their intake at ALL, and by the end of the night, they were too drunk to even handle paying their bill. I went up and asked for my bill separately, paid, and walked out without saying goodbye. Tom’s wife had to have her mother watch their two kids while she had to come down, cover their bills, and give Maisy and Neela rides home–and Tom and Maisy both threw up in her car.
I was getting hateful calls and texts all week telling me I had to pay to have Tom’s wife’s car cleaned and pay his MIL for watching the kids. Maisy and Neela have been calling me all kinds of names for abandoning them, but I snapped that they were all three sheets to the wind even after being told last month I wasn’t driving them anymore. Tom eventually called to yell at me that if I didn’t split the bill, and if I didn’t DD, then what use was I? I asked if that was how he treated his wife, Maisy, or Neela, if they were only allowed to be around if they were “useful”, because here I thought we were all just enjoying one another’s company, since I certainly wasn’t gaining anything useful from them spending hundreds of dollars funding their eating and drinking habits and then wasting my gas to drive their drunk arses home.
I was blocked and none of them will speak to me now, and I just need to know if I’m the AH here.
Edit: I used to drink heavily, too. I had to quit for an unrelated medical reason.