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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/notdealingwiththisrn on 2023-07-28 02:08:01.
My husbands has always been an introvert and I’m an extrovert. In the beginning of the relationship he put effort in coming to family things even though they were a 2 hour drive or hanging out with my friends. Now we are married and his job has been really stressful, plus he’s found out he doesn’t like my family or friends. All of this leads to me going to a lot of gatherings alone and getting berated with “where’s your husband?”, “why couldn’t he come?”, etc.
I normally have made up excuses for him in the past but lately I’m tired of that so am just telling them the truth. He doesn’t like them and doesn’t want to be there. They now all think he’s a jerk and feel bad for me that I’m constantly going to things alone. Now he’s upset at me even though that’s the truth and they don’t understand any other reason why he can’t come. It’s not like he has other plans during most gatherings and they’re not every weekend. Am I the asshole?
TLDR; I told my family and friends my husband doesn’t like them instead of lying about why he doesn’t come with me to gatherings.
Update: Thank you to everyone who let me know that I was indeed the asshole! I really wanted to be a bit extreme with my post to get the brute of my actions and could have added that I really only told 2 friends and basically just my sister and a couple of family members. So the damage isn’t too bad as some are worried. Many people have given me great advice on how I can fix my wording and still be telling the truth and many have seen my side. Thank you to everyone!
We have actually come to a new understanding of the situation. He doesn’t feel like he hates my family and friends as he use to convey through some reflecting. He feels like since I’m so extroverted I kinda leave him too much at the gatherings and then he’s alone and not having fun. So in the future I’m going to try to not just ditch him to talk to others and make sure I’m doing my best to make it more enjoyable for him and not just expect him to socialize and hold his own. This honestly could be where I’ve been an asshole too. We are realizing a lot about how our differences as extrovert vs. introvert has led to some misconceptions and misunderstandings. This all has helped a lot! We are going to try to continue compromising!